Ryan Michele - Wanting You

“Savannah Marie Kelly, get your shit together. Now.” My mom’s slur of words—no doubt having to do with the bottle of vodka she’d just drowned herself in—flowed ferociously out of her mouth. I knew she drank, but tonight had been exceptionally more than I’d seen in the past. I prayed this was one of her drunken stupors, and it would all be over in the morning.

“Mom, go lie down, turn on your shows, and I’ll bring you some coffee.”

“No. We are leaving this hellhole tonight. Whatever you don’t pack now, you will never have again, so I suggest you get your shit together.”

“I know you’re hurting. Let’s get one of the pills the doctor gave you and just take a rest. When you wake up, we’ll talk about this.” I was trying my damnedest to stay calm and not totally freak. I knew that would send her over the edge.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t been here numerous times. Ever since my dad took off with his whore, my mom had been a total mess. I finally talked her into seeing a doctor, but she preferred to cope with her alcohol more. She said the doctor didn’t do anything but sit and listen to her babble, but didn’t give her any advice or solutions on solving the gaping hole in her heart. The doc wanted her to figure it out.

I wanted to go in there and yell at the dumbass. If my mom could figure this shit out on her own, I wouldn’t have been pushing her to go and talk to the doc in the first place. So, I can’t really blame my mom for not wanting to keep going back, but thankfully, so far, she continued to go.

“I’m not going to bed or taking one of those damn pills. You just want to drug me and knock me out!” Mom’s screeching voice mixed with her slurring was giving me a headache.

“I just want you to calm down …” And stop destroying my entire life from your rampages.

Mom turned and marched into her bedroom. Between her yelling, I could hear things getting thrown around. This again was nothing new. Her temper was another one of those great things that happened after my dad left. Mom couldn’t seem to rein it in. She just exploded without thinking twice.

BAM … BAM …

Jumping off my bed, I flew to the door and opened it. “Mom, calm down.”

Mom peered into my room. “You’re not packing. Why aren’t you packing? Do you want to leave everything behind?”

“Mom, please. We can’t leave. It’s my senior year. I want to be with my friends, and I can’t leave Deke. I know what Dad did was horrible, but we can’t let him do this to us.”

Mom’s face grew furious. “You. You. You. It’s always about you. What about me? Huh? I have to live in this damn town with your dad parading his floozy on his arm. I have stay here listening to all the rumors about him getting remarried and the ‘poor Annabelle’ lines. Well, I’m sick of it, and I’m not doing it another day. We are getting the hell out of here first thing in the morning.”

Annabelle Kelly had never been one to be pushed around, even when Dad was here. She always had the upper hand in everything. That was just how it was. Now that Dad was gone, she did everything she could to keep that upper hand.

“Mom, I know this is hard. It’s hard for me to see them together, too. I hate it, but we can’t let him ruin our lives anymore.”

“That’s what we are doing, Savannah. We are getting the hell out of here and taking back our lives.” It doesn’t get past me that her voice is much clearer than it was a couple of hours ago. She must be burning off the alcohol in record speed.

“Mom, where are we going to go?”

“Aunt Tennie’s.” Ugh. I was afraid she was going to say that. Her sister, Tennie, had only met me twice in the seventeen years of my existence, as she was in California and we lived here in Alabama. I knew nothing about the woman except she had money. Like I gave a crap about her money.

“I don’t know her, and I don’t think we would fit in too well in California.” I knew I wouldn’t. My Southern twang would grab everyone’s attention.

“You’ll get to know her. I’m serious, Savannah. We’re leaving in the morning.” Without another word, she turned and left me in the middle of my room where I began pacing.

How in the hell was I going to leave everything here? My friends since kindergarten were here. I couldn’t leave Kinsley and Sawyer. They helped pick up the pieces when Dad left, and now I was just supposed to tell them bye.

Deke—how in the hell could I leave him when he needed me so much right now? I loved him too much.

A plan. I needed a plan. Thinking on my feet, I rushed to my mom’s bedroom door. “Mom?”

“What?” she snapped.

Taking a calming breath, I asked, “How about I stay with Grams, and you go out with Aunt Tennie for a while?”

I did not miss the shock and hurt that crossed her eyes. “Oh. So that’s it. You want to leave me, too. I should have known you were just like your father.”

A lonely tear fell from my eye. Her words hurt; no scratch that, they cut … deep. My father leaving us hurt more than words could ever say. It changed me. It changed my mom. I never wanted to be like my father … ever. The ache in my heart physically hurt. I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear.

I knew I had to do this for Mom. I couldn’t abandon her. She needed me, and as my mom, she outranked everyone. I didn’t want this. I hated this. I would also never forgive Mom for this.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t want to leave you. I was just trying to make it easier on you. I’ll go with you. I’ll get my stuff together.” My words may have come out of my mouth as calm, but the tears splashing my face were a definite sign of my pain and hurt. I couldn’t hold it back.

Mom wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear, “Thank you. You’ll see this will be for the best.”

I pulled away from her, nodded, and left for my room. I needed to escape. As soon as my feet kicked my door shut, my knees buckled, falling hard on the floor. The tears turned into sobs that I couldn’t hold back. This was not how my senior year of high school should play out. This was not what I wanted for my life.

Now it was time for me to reclaim what I needed: My friends … Grams … Deke.

My plan for the night was simple—dress sexy and dance my ass off. I was going to have fun with my best friends and see what the night brought. I would not fall all over him, even though I would love to do so.

I had no intentions of throwing myself at him or making a fool of myself. Chances were, he still hated my guts and wanted nothing to do with me. If that was the case, I would rather know from afar and not have my heart stomped on again.

* * *

“Turn it up!” Kinsley yelled from the hallway. Reaching over to my iPod dock, I cranked up Justin Timberlake singing about bringing sexy back.

“Here, let me,” Sawyer said, pulling the hairbrush out of my hand.

I smiled at her reflection in the mirror. “Thanks, what should I do with it?”

“You have beautiful hair, Vann. I say let it flow down your back. We’ll use the iron a bit to get the kinks out, but even the wave on you is beautiful.”

I’d recently gotten bangs that flowed gently to the side of my face and had a shit ton of layers put in. If anyone asked me what my best feature was, I would always say my hair. I loved it.

“You are going to have every guy begging for your attention tonight. Now let’s get you dressed.”

“What do you think?” I held up a short black skirt in one hand and short shorts one in the other.

“Skirt … definitely the skirt,” Kinsley said while dancing around the room.

“With what?”

Both Sawyer and Kinsley began ripping though my closet trying to find ‘the perfect top.’ I wasn’t sure I had that and was becoming a bit irritated they were throwing shit everywhere. “You know you’re picking all this up, right?” They just turned, smiled, and continued digging.

“This!” Kinsley yelled. She held in her hand my favorite plum top that had bling all around its plunging neckline. I had great cleavage in this shirt, not that I necessarily needed any help in that department.

“I love that shirt!” Sawyer’s voice came out, perky as ever.

“All the guys will be looking at your boobs.” Kinsley smirked.

“That’s the point of it, isn’t it?” I asked, pulling it on. It hugged my body like a glove. Adding my favorite black heels, I was ready.

“All right Vann, what’s really the game plan tonight? I know you want Deke, but he’s grown up and changed. You need to think before you act.” Sawyer spoke up, concerned. I knew she had reservations about me wanting Deke. Hell, I didn’t tell her, but so did I.

I’d admit that I was hoping a lot of what they’d told me about Deke’s ladies’ man status wasn’t true. I wasn’t going to be naïve, though, and pretend he hadn’t changed. Hell, look at me, I’d changed, too.

I was just going in with the knowledge that I wouldn’t sleep with him … at least not tonight. A smile crept across my face. I wanted that more than anything. My lonely nights were spent thinking of Deke.

“I’m gonna kiss you, Vann.” Deke’s thumb slowly grazed my bottom lip. His eyes piercing into mine, I wanted it, too, more than anything in the world.

“Okay,” I whispered.

His tentative lips slowly made their way to mine as if he thought at any minute I would pull away. Not a chance. Lightly, he brushed his lips against mine, pulling me closer to him. His lips caused fire to burn throughout my body, something I’d never felt before.

Gasping, his tongue lightly swept in my mouth. Nervousness hit me; I had never kissed a boy, let alone with tongue. Sensing my hesitancy, his tongue guided me, slowly moving back and forth against mine.

Soon, my tongue was doing the guiding as I felt my entire body embrace this wonderful feeling he was causing in me.

Pulling away, we were both breathless. “I’ve gotta go, Vann. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

My words must have been sucked out of me, because I couldn’t talk. I nodded, and he left me there on the dock of the lake.

Our first of many kisses, among other things, was the best kiss of my life. Then my mom uprooted me. Turning, I saw Saw and Kins staring at me. “What?”

“You were a million miles away there, girl. I’m really scared you will be disappointed.” Sawyer began twiddling her fingers, one of her nervous habits.

Reaching over, I placed my hand on hers. “It’s okay. Whatever happens … happens. I can handle it.” I tried to give her my most reassuring smile since I had no clue what the night would bring. I didn’t want my nervousness to show. Surely I was tougher than that.

The way I left hurt him. I knew that. He could still be harboring that, and I could get the brush off. Not to say that wouldn’t kill me, because it would, but I’d deal. “Come on, girls, let’s do this.”

“Keep going, sweetheart,” I forced out as she began to slow down. Tammy … Tina … Tracy … whoever the hell it was down on her knees in front of me was sucking my cock like a champ. Swirling the top, licking underneath, grabbing my balls and massaging, I was going to come, and the sooner the better.

I thread my fingers through her stringy ash-blonde hair, my fingers catching on the knots in it. Grabbing her head, I began really working her mouth, pulling my dick in and out. I ignored the gagging sound she made when my dick touched the back of her throat. She was going to have to get the fuck over it.

I grunted as my release poured out of me.

I pulled out as she looked up at me. “Was that good?” she asked as she wiped the remnants of me from her mouth.

“Great. Gotta get going now.” I never wanted them to stick around—get clingy—especially here at the bar. Who was I kidding? All women did was leave you. Eventually. Best to push them out first so that didn’t happen.

“What about later? Can we get together?” she asked, sounding hopeful.

I helped her to her feet. “No, sweetheart. Thanks, though; I needed that.”

Tammy, Tina, Tracy … whoever … gave me a glare. “No, I didn’t get mine.”

“And you won’t. Go on, get out of here.” I gently pulled her to the door and guided her out. She didn’t put up much protest. She knew the score. She was the one dumb enough to come back to my office and blow me. Women, they were all the same. They’d do anything to get what they wanted, then they’d leave. Fuck ‘em. Whatever. I could do the same shit.