Ryan Michele - Wanting You

I shrugged. “I don’t remember anything.”

“You remember kissing Vann?” Z asked, glancing over at me.

I met his eyes. “You think I’d fucking forget that?”

“So you gonna spill it?” Z was fishing. He knew only what I told him about Vann, since he didn’t move here ‘til senior year, and I wanted to keep it that way.

“Shut the fuck up and mind your damn business,” I growled, not wanting to talk about it.

“Damn, who pissed in your cheerios?” I glowered at him. Sometimes Z didn’t know when the hell to shut up. “All I can say is Vann is fucking hot, and if you don’t go for it, I am.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” I snarled. What the fuck was he thinking?

“No, but you are if you don’t hit that shit. She’s unbelievable,” Z mused as he drove.

“Stay the fuck away from her. Hear me!” I barked at him.

“Whoa, bud. Don’t pop a fucking vein there. Is she your girl?”

Is she my girl? She was supposed to be, but she fucking left me with nothing. But I’d be damned if I sat around and watched this asshole, best friend or not, make a move on her. Instead of answering, I stared out the window. Fuck him.

“It’s cool.” Z must have realized I wasn’t going to answer him.

Grunting my response, I just wanted to get the hell out of the fucking car. I needed to get to the gym and beat the hell out of something.

Vann

After some much needed time out with Sawyer and Kinsley, I was now sporting hot pink toes, which were quite sexy if I said so myself. I told the girls I needed some time to write, but every time my fingers started on the keyboard, frustration took over.

I knew I wasn’t going to let Deke Sullivan have any more control over me. I’d let him have too much for more than five years. All I’d wanted was him. Every man I’d been with, thoughts of Deke came to me. I know that was shitty to admit, but it was true. Now that I knew it wasn’t going to happen, I needed to let go. Trying to forget I lay my fingers on the keyboard, closed my eyes, and allowed them to type. I was immediately immersed in my fictional world, where the sex I wrote was hotter than what I was living …

“Damn!” Kinsley’s voice made me jump.

“What the hell?” I asked, grabbing my heart.

“That was hot. Keep going.”

I rolled my eyes. “Kins, when I’m writing you can’t do that shit. I lose my thoughts and have a hell of a time remembering them.”

“Look if you want to read something, head up to the loft and grab a book. All mine are there, actually several copies of each.” I waved my arm toward my room.

“Awesome! My vibrator will get some use.” She smiled.

“If you’re gonna use your vibrator while reading it, keep the book please.”

“Only if you sign it … Gabriella.” She laughed.

“Ha. Ha. I don’t do signings, remember? The whole anonymity thing …”

“Because of creepy?” Kinsley’s nose wrinkled in disgust.

“Yeah. And others like him. There are some weird ones out there. I should show you some of the messages and pictures I get. You wouldn’t believe it.”

“Oh, I so want to see. Are we talking nakedness?” Kinsley’s interest perked up.

“Oh yeah. Nakedness of men old enough to be my father, with hairyass beer bellies, stroking their cocks.” I said nonchalantly as if none of it bothered me, but truth being told, it pretty much grossed me out.

“WHAT?” Kinsley’s eyebrows shot together in apparent shock.

“Yeah. That’s a sample. How about the variety set of dildos I got in my PO Box? They were all different sizes cause some guy ‘didn’t know what I’d need’.” I used my hands to demonstrate the different lengths he sent me. I didn’t dare tell her that one was written on in permanent marker… ‘this one is mine.’

“Eww… I mean getting dildos from some weirdo is strange, but do you still have them. I could use a new one.”

“Kinsley, gross!” I play slapped her arm trying to hold back a giggle.

“I’m just saying.” Kinsley shrugged her shoulders as if it was no big deal.

“Kinsley, I don’t keep any of that shit. I used to throw it all away, but now I have to catalog it and turn it over to the cops.”

“Holy shit. You had to give a box of dildos to a cop?” Her question coming out more like a screech.

I laughed. “Yep and it was fucking hilarious. The detective on the case set his tagger over. The guy was young, must have just joined the force and had no clue what he was getting. The look on his face when he opened that box was priceless. I wish to God I would have camera to capture his face. He’s actually in my book ‘Cuff ‘em.’ But in that book he ends up fucking the woman with them.”

Kinsley joined in my laughter. “Well it sure as hell isn’t gonna be boring around here with your wicked mind.”

“Hey, don’t knock it. Writing has been really good to me. I love my fans. There are only a few that freak me out, but I don’t let those ruin it for the others.” I said flippedly.

“If you don’t do book signings, how do people know anything about you?”

I shrugged. “Internet and social media. I’m an indie author, so I rely heavily on bloggers and word of mouth for my work. I have a pretty good following and made some good friends so that all works in my favor.”

“So Gabriella Daniels. I get the Daniels, that’s your Grams’s last name. Where did you come up with Gabriella? You’ve never said.”

I smirked. “Babynames.com.” Kinsley started laughing. “No really, I did. I had no clue what my pen name should be so I searched. Gabriella stuck.” After searching page after page of names.

“I thought maybe it was your great great grandma’s name or had some significance.”

I shut my laptop, setting it on the table. I knew I was done writing for the moment. “Nope. Eenie Meenie Miney Mo. Done. I liked the way it sounded.”

“It’s awesome. I love it. How’d you learn about pen names?”

I stared at her for a moment collecting my thoughts. “When I was in college a professor talked all about pen names and how some writers like their privacy. For me, I didn’t want my personal stuff getting out, mainly my mom being a drunk and, well, my dad being an ass. I wanted to deal with that shit on my own.”

“Are you going to tell anyone here?” Kinsley asked.

“Nope, the only ones who know are you, Saw, Grams and my editor, but I have a signed contract from my lawyer saying she can’t talk.” And thank God for that. I’d heard tons of shit has been getting leaked these last few months after some ‘investigations’ into author’s real information. I just prayed mine didn’t leak and get into the wrong hands.

“How many books have you published?”

I loved that Kinsley was taking an interest in my books. I might not be the highest paid or most sought after author, but I was proud of my accomplishments. “Right now, seventeen. I started when I left here and never stopped.”

“Vann!” Sawyer yelled from the house.

“What!” I yelled back immediately.

“You’re phone’s been vibrating all over my counter. Would you pick it up already?” Sawyer huffed.

“Yeah! Hang on. We good?” I asked Kinsley.

“Yep. We’re going out tonight. Get ready.” Kinsley hopped up, grabbing my arm to ‘help’ me up.

Groaning, I complained, “No, I really don’t want to. Look at last night. I don’t want to do it again.”

“We’re not going there. You won’t see him. Get ready, we’re leaving in an hour and a half.” I knew I wasn’t going to let him rule my emotions, but I’d be damned if I was going to see him the night after his asshole behavior. I needed a little mental breather.

“Great.” I plastered on a fake smile.

Entering the kitchen, smells engulfed me. “God, Saw what are you making?”

“My momma’s chicken parm. Get in the shower so we can eat and still have time to get ready,” she said while stirring something on the stove.

“Fine.” Grabbing my phone off the counter, I saw I had six missed calls, all from Grams. She could be so persistent. Hitting send, she answered on the second ring. “Hey Grams, What’s up?”

“You avoiding my calls?” Grams teased.

“No. I was writing.”

“Uh-huh. Anywho … I called Keith, and we are doing dinner tomorrow night!” I loved hearing the excitement in her voice.

“All right, what time?”

“I eat early. So be here at four. Keith said he and his clan could get here around four-thirty, so I’m planning on eating no later than five.”

“No problem. I’ll be there.”

“Love you, Savannah.”

“Love you, too, and see you tomorrow.”

After saying our goodbyes, it was time for me to get ready for what I was sure would be an eventful evening.

What a fucking day. No amount of kicking, punching, or jabbing at the gym helped get that little blonde out of my fucking head. She was stuck there like some disease—one I thought I cured a long ass time ago. No, she had to bring her ass back here and stir up shit. Fucking shit-stirrer.

And then to think I called her name out when I was fucking Mindy. How fucked is that? In all the years, I had never called a chick another woman’s name. Ever. I actually prided myself on that considering how many women have had my dick in them over the years. That was also why I switched to sweetheart—helped a lot.

Why the hell did she have to be a fucking knock out? If she were anyone else, she would’ve been under me last night. No question about it. I would have fucked her every possible way I could, and then I’d have done it again. But no. She had to be Vann.

“Deke?” Z’s head popped around my office door.

“What?”

“Glad I caught you in a good mood. You’re gonna love this.” Z tossed a manila folder onto the desk. Opening it up, I saw a picture of him. The asshole we’d been after for the past two fucking years—his scraggly haired, tattooed face staring back at me. What I wouldn’t give to find this asshole and end him, for good. Most of the papers I had seen many times; I practically had them memorized, but one stuck out.

“You see it?” Z asked.

“Yeah, I fucking see it.”

“You’re going in as a buyer,” Z announced.

“I figured. I’m gonna need good cover.” Last time I was face-to-face with this douche was a few years ago when I beat him to a fucking pulp. I’d have to change up my looks a bit. At least I was bigger now; that would help.

“Yeah. Working on that.” Z sighed. “You gonna let your personal shit go so we can do this?”

“Fuck no, it’s my personal shit that keeps me doing this,” I growled. Like I could forget the fucking reason I wanted this asshole. I’d prefer him six feet underground, but since I liked my freedom, this was the next best thing. I would just make sure that he had a great roommate in the pen.

“You gotta keep your cool or they’re gonna throw your ass off.” I knew that. I wasn’t official anymore. I gave that up when the rules fucking sucked at catching the scum of the earth. I couldn’t sit around waiting for all the red tape to clear before doing what needed to be done. This was a better option for me. I helped them out my own way, but still had the back up if I needed it.

“Sullivan!” Captain Craiger called.

“Yes sir.”

“Come take a seat and shut the door.” I knew this wasn’t good. Captain only called you in his office and shut the door for disciplinary shit. I knew why I was there. I just didn’t want to deal with the bullshit of it.

I did as he instructed and took a seat in front of his desk.

“Look son, that shit you pulled out there the other day, we can’t have it. Too much paperwork and it comes down hard on the whole force. This is the third time.”

This time I couldn’t help it. The little fucking weasel deserved having his ass kicked for selling dope to a thirteen year old kid. I would have killed him had my partner not pulled me off him.

“I know.” I was going to say I was sorry, but thought better of it. I wasn’t sorry. He was too fucking high to give a shit anyway.

“And I know you’d do it again in heartbeat.” Captain blew out a deep breath. “Look son, I have a team and I want you to be part of it. You are too good to let go, and this might be right up your alley, but no one can ever know. Officially you will be discharged from the force.”

I immediately accepted.

“I’ve got this,” I said, pulling myself out of my thoughts.