Mary Balogh - Web of Love

“Did you, Ellen?” he said. “I am glad for you. Should I be glad?”

Her gray eyes were wide and fully focused on him. “I have not seen him since I was fifteen,” she said. “I told you about that last meeting, didn’t I? He hasn’t really changed. He looked very familiar. I am going to visit him tomorrow.”

“Are you?” He clenched into a loose fist the hand that had been about to reach out to cover one of hers.

“Is it the wrong thing to do?” she asked. “He is not my father. Is it foolish to revisit the past? It was my home. And now I am going there as a visitor. Should I have refused?”

He shook his head. “No,” he said. “I can see in your eyes that this is very much something you want to do, Ellen. Then you should do it. And he was your father for fifteen years, even if he did not beget you. You had good times with him. You told me about some of them.”

She half-smiled into his eyes.

“What does your sister-in-law say?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I have not told anyone else,” she said. “I was alone this morning. I think I want to go. I want to have someone of my own, even if he is not quite mine. Do you know what I mean?”

He nodded. “Families can be the plague of one’s life,” he said. “But I cannot imagine a worse fate than to be totally without mine. You must go, Ellen. He invited you?”

She nodded.

“Then you must go.”

If he held his breath, perhaps the spell would never be broken. They were smiling into each other’s eyes, not saying anything, but unembarrassed nonetheless. Just as they had done frequently through almost two weeks. She was talking from the heart, just as she had done then. He felt almost that he could reach out for her hand and she would give it to him and let it rest companionably in his.

And he had just told her that he would probably not see her again.

“Dominic!” Anna’s voice was laughing and exasperated all at the same time. “Are you deaf? I suppose you and Mrs. Simpson are deep in war reminiscences. Could I please have a little of your attention?”

Ellen’s eyes widened before dropping away from his. She flushed.

“Sorry,” he said. “What is it, Anna?”

“Jennifer is coming to the Tower with Walter and me tomorrow,” she said, “and Mr. Phelps cannot come. It would be very lowering for me to have to go along with a mere brother, Dominic. You must rescue me. Will you? If you come, I will instantly become the most envied female in London, for you are easily the most handsome gentleman in town.” She laughed gaily.

“I can resist anything but flattery,” he said, “and the chance of having a pretty lady to escort about London.”

“Oh, splendid!” she said, smiling back at Jennifer. “And we will charm the men into taking us to Gunter’s for ices.”

“At this time of year?” Lord Eden asked. “You must be mad, Anna.”

Ellen, he noticed, had been drawn into conversation with his mother, his aunt, and Madeline. He did not talk with her again until she and her stepdaughter rose to take their leave.

“I shall see you tomorrow,” he said to Jennifer as he took her hand in his. “It is years since I saw the Tower.”

“And I have never seen it,” she said, her face bright and eager. “I shall so look forward to the outing, my lord.”

“Good-bye, Ellen,” he said, taking her hand in a quite tight grasp and looking closely into her eyes. There was nothing else to be said. They were surrounded by members of his family and Miss Simpson, all talking at once, it seemed. And this might be good-bye indeed. There were a thousand things to say. He felt panic rise into his throat.

“Good-bye, my lord.” She returned the pressure of his hand. And then drew it free and turned to smile at his mother.

“What a very prettily behaved young lady Miss Simpson is,” the dowager said after all her guests had left. “It is quite a pity that Anna has not had her for a friend for longer. And Mrs. Simpson is quite charming, and looking very much better than when I saw her in Belgium.” She looked curiously at her son.

“Yes,” he said. “She is too strong a person to crumble even under the cruelest blow. I saw her comfort men in Spain after enduring exactly the same adverse conditions as they.”

“You were talking with her,” she said. “Has the bitterness been put an end to, Dominic? I do hope so, for both your sakes.”

“Yes,” he said. “I don’t think there is any left, Mama.”

“And is there any chance,” she said, “that after her year of mourning is at an end you can mean more to each other?”

He shook his head. “No,” he said. “I think it unlikely that I will meet her again. I am quite serious about leaving for Wiltshire next week.”

She sighed. “What a shame!” she said. “I have not met a young woman I would like better as a daughter-in-law since I met Alexandra.”

“Well,” he said, putting an arm about her shoulders and hugging her, “we cannot load you down with new relatives, now, can we, Mama? Penworth is next, I believe. Then it will be my turn, perhaps, if I can persuade anyone to take me on.”

Madeline made a sound very like a snort. “Just whisper that you are on the market, Dom,” she said, “and there will be girls and their mamas lined up outside your door for the distance of half a mile.”

He chuckled, and felt rather as if his heart had turned to stone inside him.

MADELINE ARRIVED AT Mr. Septimus Foster’s house the following day after luncheon and was shown into a salon on the ground floor, where she found her betrothed sketching on a piece of paper with some charcoal.

She leaned over his shoulder and kissed his forehead. “The fireplace,” she said, “in minutest detail.”

He tossed the paper aside and looked up at her. “Madeline,” he said, “I told you that Septimus and his wife would be from home this afternoon. You should not be here.”

“Oh, faradiddle!” she said. “I am five-and-twenty years old, Allan. Years past the necessity of having armies of chaperones trailing along behind me.”

“Even so,” he said, “I don’t want you talked about. You are Lady Madeline Raine. Someone special.”

“Do you think so?” she said, sitting down beside him. “How very flattering, sir.”

“Not just to me,” he said. “You draw admiration wherever you go. It’s not just your looks, though they are quite good enough. There is a sparkle about you, something that draws the eyes. I really shouldn’t have allowed you to betroth yourself to me. It’s not right, Madeline.”

“Are we going to have this argument again?” she asked, smiling at him and taking one of his hands in hers. “Because you are missing a leg, Allan? And an eye? I don’t care about those things. I shall be your missing leg and eye.”

“But you shouldn’t have to be,” he said. “You shouldn’t be tied to a cripple. And besides, no one can be a missing limb for someone else. I have to learn to cope with my own disabilities.”

“Oh, you are cross today, Allan,” she said, kissing the back of his hand. “Would you like me to read to you?”

“No, I would not!” he said. “I can read for myself when I want to.”

“But your eye tires. You have told me that,” she said. She laid her cheek against the back of his hand.

He turned his head to look at her. “Oh, Lord,” he said. “I am treating you abominably, aren’t I? My leg has been aching all morning. I would swear it is still there. It has definitely been aching. And I have been thinking again. That is always a fatal thing to do. And I am thoroughly out of sorts with the world and sorry for myself. And I am taking it all out on you. When you have done so much for me. You brought me back to life when all I wanted to do was die. Forgive me?”

She turned her head and kissed his hand again. “I understand,” she said. “I do, Allan. And I am not hurt or offended. It is all right.”

“But it is not,” he said. “You should not be tied to me or subject to my moods of irritability. You should be free to enjoy life again.”

“Oh,” she said, smiling, “if you only knew how little I have enjoyed life in the past few years, Allan. It was all surface enjoyment and gaiety. I am not complaining, because it was a life of privilege and I know thousands would give a great deal to have just half the pleasure that was mine. But there was something missing. Some substance. And I have found it with you. Maybe I helped you back to life. But you have given meaning to my life. You have. So don’t talk anymore about my going away to enjoy myself. I am enjoying myself-with you.”

He sighed and withdrew his hand from hers in order to put his arm about her shoulders. “I just hope that in five years’ time,” he said, “or ten, you will not feel tied down by the fact that you are married to me. But look, Madeline, you ought not to be here alone with me. If you won’t go away as you ought, then we must go out. A carriage ride in the park?”

“Are you sure you feel well enough?” she asked, sitting upright. “Are you willing to venture out, Allan? I know you did not enjoy the visit to Edmund’s a few afternoons ago.”

“Only because you are so anxious to protect me from embarrassment that you would not let me speak a word,” he said. “You must learn not to do that. But we argued that out quite effectively at the time. We don’t need to reopen that quarrel. Yes, let’s go out. If we go in a closed carriage, I won’t have to inflict the sight of me on anyone. Though of course in a closed carriage you really should have a maid. I’ll ring for a carriage to be brought around.”

“I’ll do it,” she said, leaping to her feet. “You sit there.”

“I said I’ll ring,” he said testily, and pulled himself slowly upright with the help of his crutches. “Oh, Madeline, pull the bell rope, will you? I’m sorry. And I have the feeling I am going to be apologizing to you for the rest of our lives.”

JENNIFER AND ANNA, WALTER CARRINGTON, and Lord Eden spent more than an hour at the Tower of London, inspecting the armory and gazing at the crown jewels.

“It makes one wish there were some eligible princes floating around waiting to be married, doesn’t it?” Anna said to Jennifer. “Can you imagine wearing all that finery?”

“It would be splendid,” Jennifer agreed rather wistfully.

“But you would get very bored sitting on a throne all day,” Walter said, drawing a giggle from both girls, “drumming your jeweled fingers on the carved arm. Picture it. No freedom to walk in the park. Or to eat ices at Gunter’s.”

“Perhaps those princes would not be very handsome anyway,” Anna said, linking her arm through Lord Eden’s. “Now, what was that about ices?”

“You will freeze your insides,” he said. “But so be it. And you chose an open barouche too, Anna? At the end of September?”

“Anna is always gasping for air in a closed carriage,” her brother said, “and convinced that she is missing all sorts of spectacular sights, since she can look from only one window at a time.”

“I have a new bonnet,” that young lady said gaily, “and I want the world to see it. Do you like it, Dominic?”

“Very fetching,” he said. “But I don’t want you bending forward when you are within twenty feet of me, Anna, if you please. That feather would take my eye out.”

They decided to drive through Hyde Park before going to Gunter’s, since the leaves, according to Anna, were too lovely to be missed. There they met the closed carriage in which Madeline was riding with Lieutenant Penworth. Madeline let down the window in order to exchange greetings with the occupants of the barouche. The lieutenant stayed back in the shadows and said nothing.

Jennifer leaned forward and smiled. “How do you do, Lieutenant?” she called. “I am very pleased to see that you are out again. Do you remember me?”

“Of course he does,” Madeline said with a smile. “We decided to take advantage of a beautiful day and come out for a drive.”

Jennifer gazed in at the man who had raised a hand in acknowledgment of her greeting. She would not have known that it was he. This man looked thin and pale, and half his face was completely covered by a type of bandage. She remembered a lithe, good-looking, high-spirited young officer who liked always to be active.

“We are on our way to Gunter’s,” Lord Eden said. “Would you care to join us, Penworth? Madeline?”

“Perhaps some other time,” Madeline said quickly.

“Thank you,” Lieutenant Penworth said at the same moment. “That would be pleasant.”

She looked at him, surprised. “Are you sure you will not mind?” she asked.