Jay Asher - What Light

Heather steps into the trailer carrying two more bags of leftovers. Her eyes are electric, and I know she wants me to dish on the cute guy who came by yesterday. Devon walks in after her, looking at his phone. Even with his face bowed, I can tell he’s good-looking.

“Sierra, this is Devon. Devon, this is… Devon, look up.”

He looks up at me and smiles. His short brown hair frames round cheeks, but it’s his comforting eyes that make me like him immediately.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I say.

“You too,” he says. He holds my gaze long enough to prove his sincerity, and then his face dives back into his phone.

Heather hands Devon one of the bags of food. “Baby, go bring this to the guys out there. And then help them out loading trees or something.”

Devon takes the bag without glancing up from his phone and then leaves the trailer. Heather sits across from me at the table, and I move my computer onto the pillow beside me.

“I’m guessing your parents weren’t home when Devon picked you up,” I say. Heather looks confused, so I point at her hair. “It’s a little messy in back.”

Her cheeks go red and she rakes her fingers through the tangles. “Oh, right…”

“So are things looking up between you and Mr. Monosyllabic?”

“That’s a nice word,” she says. “If the choice is between listening to him or kissing him, kissing is a much better use of his mouth.”

I burst out laughing.

“I know, I know, I’m a horrible human being,” she says. “So tell me about that guy who came in.”

“I have no idea who he is. There’s not much to say.”

“What does he look like?” Heather pops the lid off a container of turkey salad, which has walnut and celery chunks. Her family is still trying to rid their house of Thanksgiving.

“I only saw him for a moment,” I say, “but he looked about our age. He had this dimple that—”

Heather leans forward, her eyes narrowed. “And dark hair? A killer smile?”

How does she know that?

Heather pulls out her phone, taps it a few times, and then shows me an online picture of the very guy I was talking about. “Is this him?” She does not look pleased.

“How did you know?”

“The first thing you mentioned was his dimple. That was the giveaway.” She shakes her head. “Plus, that would be my luck. Sorry, Sierra, but no. Not Caleb.”

So his name is Caleb. “Why?”

She leans back and sets her fingertips on the edge of the tabletop. “He’s just not the best choice, okay? Let’s find someone else.”

I’m not letting this stop here and she knows it.

“There’s this rumor,” she says, “but I’m pretty sure it’s true. Either way, something happened.”

“What is it?” This is the first time I’ve heard her speak so cryptically of someone. “You’re making me nervous.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t want to get into this. I hate being a gossip, but I am not going on a double date with him.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s unconfirmed, okay? It’s only what I’ve heard.” She looks me in the eyes, but I am not saying a word until I hear it. “They say he attacked his sister with a knife.”

“What?” My stomach twists. “That guy is… Is she still alive?”

Heather laughs, but I can’t tell if it’s from my shocked expression or because she was joking. My heart still pounds, but eventually I laugh a little, too.

“No, he didn’t murder her,” Heather says. “From what I know, she’s fine.”

So it wasn’t a joke.

“But she doesn’t live here anymore,” Heather says. “I don’t know if that’s because of the attack, but that’s what most people think.”

I lie down on my bed and place a hand over my forehead. “That is intense.”

Heather reaches under the table and pats my leg. “We’ll keep looking.”

I want to tell her not to bother. I want to tell her I’m not interested in a holiday love affair anymore, especially if my radar is so off that the one guy I picked out once attacked his sister with a knife.

After we finish the turkey salad, we go outside to round up Devon so I can head back to work. He’s sitting at a picnic table behind the Bigtop with a bunch of the guys, all picking through Heather’s leftovers. There’s also a pretty girl I’ve never seen, snuggling up close to Andrew.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” I say. “I’m Sierra.”

“Oh, your parents own this place!” She holds out a manicured hand and I shake it. “I’m Alyssa. I just stopped by to meet Andrew for lunch.”

I glance at Andrew, who is now three shades of red.

He shrugs. “We’re not… you know…”

The girl’s face drops. Her hand covers her heart and she looks at Andrew. “Are you two… ?”

“No!” I say quickly.

I’m not sure what Andrew’s trying to do. If he is with her, does he want me to think it’s not serious? Like I care! Anyway, I hope they become serious. Maybe Alyssa will help him get over whatever he holds for me.

I turn to Heather. “Will I see you later?”

“Devon and I can pick you up after you close,” she says. “Maybe we’ll go out and try to meet some people—or someone. You only want one, right?”

Heather is not only pushy, she doesn’t even attempt to be subtle.

She raises an eyebrow at me. “One month, Sierra. A lot can happen in a month.”

“Not tonight,” I say. “Maybe soon.”

But for the next few days, I can’t stop thinking about Caleb.

On most weekdays, Heather stops by on her way home from school. Sometimes she hangs out at the counter and helps me out when parents show up with young children. While I ring up the mom or dad, she distracts the kids.

“Last night, I asked Devon what he wanted for Christmas,” Heather says from the drink station. She’s carefully putting mini-marshmallows, one by one, into her hot chocolate.

“What did he say?”

“Hold on, I’m counting.” After she places her eighteenth marshmallow, she takes a sip. “He shrugged. That was the extent of the conversation. So I figured, it’s probably for the best. What if he wanted something expensive? Then if he asked me, I’d have to say something expensive.”

“And that’s a problem because…”

“I can’t have us buying nice things for each other right before I break up with him!”

“So you can both make something,” I say. “Something small and inexpensive.”

“Homemade and thoughtful? That’s worse!” She walks to a flocked tree and gently touches the fake snow. “How do you break up with someone who just carved you a wooden figurine or something?”

“This is getting way too complicated,” I say. From beneath the counter, I pull out a cardboard box full of bagged mistletoe and set it on the stool. “Maybe you should do it now. He’s going to get hurt either way.”

“No, I’m definitely keeping him through the holidays.” Taking another sip, she approaches the opposite side of the counter. “But it’s time to get serious about picking someone for you. The parade is coming up and I want you to double with us.”

I reach across the counter to restock the mistletoe display. “I’m thinking this whole idea of a holiday romance isn’t going to work. I will admit I did consider it when I saw Caleb, but first impressions are clearly not my strength.”

Heather looks me straight in the eyes and nods toward the parking lot. “Remember that, okay? Because here he comes.”

I can feel my eyes go wide.

She takes a step back and motions for me to come join her. I walk around the counter and she points to an old purple pickup truck. The cab is empty.

If that is his truck, what’s he doing here? He already bought a tree. Below the tailgate is a bumper sticker for a school I’ve never heard of.

“Where’s Sagebrush Junior High?” I ask.

Heather shrugs, and a curl falls loose from where she had it tucked behind her ear.

This city has six elementary schools. Each winter I went to the same one as Heather. Those feed into the one middle school, which I also went to, and then one high school. That’s when I started doing my assignments online.

Heather looks into the trees. “Oh! There he is. God, he’s cute.”

“I know,” I whisper. I avoid where she’s looking and instead watch the toe of my shoe dig into the dirt.

She touches my elbow and whispers, “Here he comes.” Before I can say anything, she makes a beeline to the far side of the Bigtop.

From the corner of my eye, I see someone emerge from between two of our trees. Caleb walks straight toward me, shining his dimpled smile. “Is your name Sierra?”

All I can do is nod.

“So you’re the one the workers are talking about.”

“Excuse me?”

He laughs once. “I didn’t know if there was maybe some other girl working today.”

“Just me,” I say. “My parents own this place. And run it.”

“Now it makes sense why they’re afraid to talk to you,” he says. When I don’t respond, he continues, “I was here the other day. You asked if I needed help?”

I don’t know what I should say. He shifts his weight between his feet. When I still don’t say anything, he shifts his weight again, which almost makes me laugh. At least I’m not the only one who’s nervous.

Behind him, I see two of the baseball players sweeping up needles between the trees.

Caleb steps beside me and watches them sweep. I hold still, forcing myself not to move away. “Does your dad really make them clean outhouses if they talk to you?”

“Even if he thinks they want to talk to me.”

“Then your outhouses must be extremely clean,” he says, which is the weirdest pickup line I’ve ever heard, if that’s what that was.

“Can I help you with something?” I ask. “I know you already have a tree…”

“So you do remember me.” He seems a little too pleased by this.

“I do the inventory,” I say, flipping the memory of him into pure business, “and I’m good at my job.”

“I see.” He nods slowly. “What kind of tree did I get?”

“A noble fir.” I have no idea if that’s true.

Now he seems impressed.

I walk around the counter, putting the cash register and mistletoe between us. “Anything else we can help you with?”

He hands me a tag from a tree. “This one’s bigger than the last, so a couple of the guys are putting it in my truck right now.”

I find myself staring into his eyes for too long, so I wrench my gaze to the nearest displays. “Do you need a wreath to go with it? They’re fresh. Or an ornament?” Part of me wants to just sell him the tree so he can leave and this awkwardness will end, but part of me also wants him to stay.

He doesn’t say anything for several seconds, which forces me to look at him again, and he’s scanning everything inside the Bigtop. Maybe he does need something else. Or maybe he’s looking for an excuse to stay longer. Then, when he sees the drinks, his smile gets brighter. “I’ll definitely take a hot chocolate.”

At the drink station, he lifts a paper cup from the top of the upside-down cup tower. Beyond him, I see Heather peek out from behind a flocked tree, sipping on her own hot chocolate. When she sees me watching, she shakes her head and mouths “Bad idea” before slowly sliding herself back behind the branches.

My heart skips a beat when he unwraps a candy cane to stir the chocolate powder in his hot water. When he lets go of the candy cane, it continues spinning in the swirling drink.

“That’s how I make mine,” I say.

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“It’s like a cheap peppermint mocha,” I tell him.

He tilts his head and looks at his drink with new eyes. “You could call it that, but that sounds kind of insulting.” He passes the drink to his other hand and then reaches across the counter to shake.

“Nice to officially meet you, Sierra.”

I look at his hand, then at him, and hesitate for a split second. In that moment, I see his shoulders deflate a bit. I know better than to be so judgmental over a rumor even Heather wasn’t sure of. I shake his hand. “You’re Caleb, right?”