Kendall Ryan - When I Break

Her breathing stuttered and I braced my thigh between her legs to support her. She began rubbing herself against me, her damp panties dragging over my thigh again and again.

“Can I touch you?” I asked against her lips.

“Yes,” she breathed.

Cupping the generous weight of her breasts in my hands, my thumbs grazed the peaks, which instantly hardened and puckered under my touch. McKenna let out a soft little murmur. The sound sent a jab of lust straight to my balls. My erection was straining against my jeans, barely secured under the waistband, and I took a deep breath, fighting for control.

Still riding my leg, seeking friction between us, McKenna let out a frustrated groan.

She needed more, but I couldn’t let us go too far. “Can I touch you over your panties?”

Wide eyes met mine and she nodded slowly. Her look was pure trust and adoration. She was giving me the keys to the kingdom, and I wasn’t going to waste this chance. I would make this good for her.

I didn’t want to ask her if I could remove them, afraid she’d say yes, and that I’d take things too far. Besides, the little scrap of fabric wouldn’t prevent me from taking care of her. Securing my left arm around her waist to hold her against me, I let my right hand trail down her belly. Little goose bumps erupted over her flesh and her breathing became erratic and much too fast. I loved watching her reactions to even the simplest of touches, although we both knew where my hand was headed, and it wasn’t someplace innocent. I wanted to watch her come, to hear her stutter out my name as she gasped for oxygen.

My fingers met the hem of basic white cotton panties and continued lower, past the top of her pubic bone until I felt her warm, damp center. Finding the right spot, I caressed the little nub in circular motions and went back to kissing her, moving my tongue in time with my fingers so I could imagine it was the tip of my tongue swirling against her clit over and over. McKenna’s hips bucked against my hand and her head dropped back. I sucked and kissed her throat as incoherent mumbles fell from her lips.

Her fingernails bit into my shoulders, and she sucked in a breath and held it as her body built toward release. Passion burned inside me and I longed to take her to my bed, lay her down and sink inside her warm body. But for once this wasn’t about my release, it was all about McKenna, and watching her come apart was the most erotic sight of my life. She bit her lip, her eyes closed, and her pulse fluttered in her neck. She was beautiful. I continued stroking her most sensitive spot over her panties until I felt her body clenching, preparing for climax.

I held her, kissing her, pleasuring her until she was quivering with her release. She let out a loud gasp and her breath stuttered. Her eyes fell closed and she breathed my name again and again as she came apart in my arms. I held her while little tremors raced through her body, making her shiver.

After several moments she blinked up at me.

“Hi,” I offered.

“Hi,” she answered, still breathless.

“I set out some dry clothes for you.” I tipped my head toward the bed and released her.

She nodded and crossed the room to grab them off the bed, then headed into the bathroom to change. Even after what we’d just done, she wasn’t going to change in front of me. She was surprisingly modest for someone who’d just gotten off riding my hand.

I killed the lights, then crawled under the covers and waited.

Soon McKenna was wandering toward me in the dark. Even the lack of light couldn’t hide the healthy glow I’d put in her cheeks.

She lay down beside me, curling into a ball so that we lay facing each other. We were both quiet, likely both processing what had happened between us tonight. We just lay there watching each other in the dim light.

I had no idea how many laws or rules I’d broken getting it on with my sex addiction counselor, and I didn’t want to know. I’d done a whole lot of sexy shit over the years, but I’d never had anything get me as hot as what I just did with McKenna.

The anticipation of it, knowing how hard I’ve had to work to win her over these past several weeks, getting her to trust me and let go. It felt huge, and I was happy. Leaving her panties in place like that and watching her writhe against my fingers, knowing she was soaking wet and ready for me, it made me wonder how good she tasted, how pink she would be, and it had made me so hard.

And the craziest thing was, I didn’t want to rush her. I mean, yeah, I wanted to pull her panties down her legs, but in a way, I didn’t. I liked that next time there would be more for us to discover.

I was going slow with a girl. And I liked it.

McKenna

The shower and our little post-shower activities had seemed to sober Knox up. He lay there quietly watching me, his eyes clear and focused.

“Thank you for letting me stay over tonight,” I said. I assumed this was a big deal for him—a girl in his bed who wasn’t here for sex.

“It’s not a problem,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry about what happened tonight with Brian.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I really don’t like the idea of your living with that guy, though.”

“He’d never do anything to hurt me.”

“How did you end up living with him?”

I took a deep breath. Knox didn’t know the story, and since I knew so much about him, I was starting to feel guilty for never telling him. “I lost my parents my senior year of high school.” I wasn’t ready to explain how it had happened or my role in the events, so I didn’t. “My mom was an only child and my dad’s only brother, my uncle Bob, had passed away two years before of a stroke. My aunt Linda, who I’m only related to because she was married to my uncle, lives in California and I didn’t want to change schools, so I moved in with Brian’s parents to finish my senior year of school.”

“I’m sorry about your parents.”

“Thank you,” I murmured. I didn’t want to dampen the evening by thinking about all that, so instead I pushed on. “And when I moved here after college, Brian came with me. He didn’t want me to live in a new city all alone.”

“Nice guy,” Knox muttered flatly.

I swatted at his chest. “Thank you for…tonight.” God, what had I been about to say, thank you for that orgasm? I’d never had an orgasm like that before. My cheeks heated.

Knox chuckled. “You can have that anytime you want. No need to thank me.”

I chewed on my lip, working up my courage. “Isn’t that hard for you, though? I mean, doing that with me, having me here and knowing it’s not going to go any further?”

He was quiet for a second while he thought about it. “Yes and no. Trust me, I enjoyed it, and as far as it not going any further…I can manage.”

“I like you so open and vulnerable like this,” I whispered.

“Yeah? Well, enjoy it now then. I’m never like this.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, you’re normally so intense, and dominant.”

“Do you even understand what that word means, McKenna?”

“I think so.” A crease lined my forehead. Maybe I didn’t really know. At least, not in the context of how he thought of himself.

“I am dominant. Sexually. Does that scare you?”

“N-no?”

He chuckled lightly. I hadn’t meant my answer to sound like a question. It only showed how unsure I felt around him.

“Good night, McKenna.”

“’Night, Knox,” I murmured, feeling sleepy and warm. And safe.

McKenna

When I arrived home the following morning, I thought it best that Knox not walk me inside. I said good-bye to him in the car and ventured in to face Brian alone.

Just as I suspected, Brian was waiting for me. Probably waiting to ambush me. He flipped off the TV and rose from the couch, coming to meet me near the door.

“Did you stay the night with him?”

“Brian,” I pleaded. My tone was a warning. He didn’t get to act the way he did last night and then give me the third degree this morning. Besides, I didn’t want to crush him or make him angry by confirming what he already knew. I’d slept in Knox’s bed last night and it was one of the best night’s sleep I’d had in years. I figured it was safer not to answer, so instead I released a heavy sigh.

“Tell me you’re not stupid enough to fall for this guy. He’s a goddamn sex addict, McKenna.”

“Don’t call me stupid.” I pushed past him and entered the kitchen, grabbing the coffeepot and filling it with water.

“I’m sorry, I know you’re not…it’s just…” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the scuffed tile floor. He looked tired, like he’d barely slept last night, and his face was pinched with worry.

It made my stomach cramp seeing him so distraught. Brian had always been there for me and he’d been a great friend for almost fifteen years. He’d messed up last night, but without him, I wouldn’t have survived these past few years. I just didn’t know why he was acting so ridiculous about Knox.

“I get it,” he said. “You’re a fixer, you always have been, and he’s a project, but he’s not like that cocker spaniel you found on the side of the road with a broken leg. You can’t fix everything, and you sure as hell can’t play house with him.”

“Too late for that, isn’t it, Bri?” I shoved the carafe back into the coffee machine and set it to brew. When I looked up at him, really looked at him, I noticed his lip was split and there was a bruise forming under his eye. Served him right for attacking Knox like he did.

Brian sighed. “I’m sorry I flipped out last night. I just don’t want to lose you.”

The sight of him and Knox fighting on our living room floor was burned into my retinas. I was glad neither was seriously hurt. Knox’s cheek was still slightly swollen this morning, but nothing that a little ice and pain reliever wouldn’t fix.

I tried to look at things from Brian’s perspective. We’d moved here together and neither of us knew a soul, and now I was forming a relationship with another man. My anger faded just slightly. “I won’t condone any more testosterone-fueled displays like last night. You’re my best friend. Knox is my…” I stuttered, coming to a halt midsentence. What was Knox?

“He’s your what, McKenna?” Brian challenged.

“Friend,” I settled on finally. “So you have to be nice.”

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Brian nodded. “For you, I’ll try. But just be careful with that guy.”

“I will,” I promised. I would be careful with him, I just hoped he would be careful with me too. I was terrified of feeling something real for him, unsure if he was capable of returning those feelings.

McKenna

The rest of the week passed quickly. Brian seemed to chill out a little, not mentioning Knox again and being overly helpful at home. He was trying to make up for how he had acted, though I wondered if his change in mood was because I hadn’t seen Knox again.