Christina Lee - Whisper to Me

He looked me over as if surveying the aftereffects of everything damn thing that had happened to me. “You came back strong.”

“I did,” I said. “Without your help.”

“Maybe that’s just it, Rachel,” he said. “Maybe you got strong because I walked away.”

“Don’t pretend you were doing the honorable thing!” I spit out. His face fell, but I knew he was right in so many ways. But there was no chance I was admitting to them now. I probably wouldn’t ever.

“Please, Rachel.” He stared into my eyes, and I looked away to break the spell. “Can you give me a chance to make it up to you? I want to get to know you again. To be friends.”

“No way.”

“Will you at least think about it?”

“Never.” I shook my head and turned away. “Fuck off.”

But I had lost the power of those words and my shoulders slumped forward instead. Like all the fight had gone out of me in that moment.

I stalked toward Kai and Dakota, leaving Miles in my wake. “Give me your keys, Kai, so I can drive myself home. Catch a ride back later with Shane.”

“Wait a minute,” Dakota protested, and then turned to Shane. “If you don’t kick Miles’s butt out, then I will.”

But before he could respond, I said, “No, please. I want . . . I need to be alone.”

Kai gave Dakota a look. They knew I meant business when I wanted my solitude. It was the one thing that hadn’t changed over the years. I’d been an only child who’d absolutely thrived on it when my family had gotten to be too much for me. Kai reluctantly dangled his keys in front of me, and I snatched them from his grasp before he had the opportunity to change his mind.

I sprinted to his car, swung open the door, and slid inside. I had shut out that little corner of the world and all I could hear were my own heavy breaths. I closed my eyes, rested my head against the seatback and breathed a sigh of relief.

After another moment, I fired up the engine and put the car in drive. But before I could peel off like some badass, the passenger door swung open.

And in slipped Kai.

“Not even going to talk to you,” I said through gritted teeth. “But I’m not letting you leave alone. You haven’t had more than one drink, right?”

She nodded.

“So just start driving, goddamn it.”

“Shit,” Rachel grunted, and then she pushed down on the gas pedal, causing her to fishtail through the grass. I kept my mouth shut like I’d promised and gripped the door handle instead. She turned the wheel and straightened out the car as she came toward the road.

Being with Rachel like this again made it all rush back. Not one great middle-school memory didn’t include her. Rachel had always been so damn cute with that dark hair and those sea-green eyes. And now this body of hers that had blossomed since her illness—she’d developed shapely legs, narrow hips, and tits that I couldn’t stop noticing in that thin tank top of hers. Fuck me.

When she started dating that douche bag Miles, she’d changed. She became meek and humble, lost her smartass retorts and sarcasm. She hadn’t been my Rachel anymore. She’d been his.

But now. Now she was her old self to the extreme. They say your personality can change after a head injury. But this was something altogether different. This was Rachel shutting down, closing herself off completely. And I got it. I so got it.

I had looked for someone like Rachel in Amsterdam. I’d actually dated girl after girl trying to get that feeling back that I had when I was around her. In her space. But it had never returned. Until now.

Rachel grumbled and huffed and smacked the wheel. I just shook my head and looked out the window, allowing her to work it through in her own head. I wanted to know what that motherfucker had said to her, but a promise was a promise.

Did Miles want her back? Would she actually consider it after all this time? He was like her kryptonite. I clenched my jaw until it ached. I wanted to push his teeth through his skull.

As we drove past Lucy’s bar, her foot let off the gas in a moment’s hesitation. Maybe if I hadn’t been with her, she would have pulled in and drunk herself stupid. Gone home with some random guy. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew what my cousin Nate was getting at when he’d given me reports about Rachel.

She’d become someone different in college. It sounded like she was using guys who reminded her of Miles to get lost in for a night. Just like I’d used girls who weren’t Rachel in Amsterdam.

I figured at the very least I was saving her from making a dumb-ass decision tonight. Not that there was anything wrong with having an active sex life, but she seemed to be exercising it for the wrong reasons. I pushed away the thought of just how many guys she might have been with at college. The idea of any number of dudes pawing at her body made me want to slam my fist through the windshield.

But then a heavier thought flitted through my brain. At least she was at the university. At least she was living a life that had once threatened to be taken from her.

I noticed the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes and knew she was on the verge of losing it. So I turned up the radio and let her be alone with her thoughts. If I tried to speak she’d ream me a new one anyway.

Yep, she was definitely alive and letting everyone know it.

She pulled into the underground garage and thrust the car into park. I wanted to yell at her for bashing on my brakes, but I held my tongue. She slammed the car door and charged up the stairs to the bank of elevators in the lobby. I caught up to her just as the metal doors ground open. I allowed her to pass in first, and she jammed the button to our floor before sagging against the far wall.

I could hear her heavy breaths as she attempted to keep her emotions at bay. I tried to keep my gaze off the vein throbbing in her neck as her gaze skated over my body as if she was memorizing me or discovering me all over again. I didn’t know which. Maybe she just wanted to use me as a punching bag. I pushed away the thought of what angry sex with Rachel would feel like. Her on top, riding me with wild abandon in her eyes. Fuck.

I bolted out of the elevator as soon as the doors parted, and then turned the key in the lock. She pushed open the door and stormed past me, heading straight for the bar. She rummaged around before finally pulling out a shot glass and a bottle of Patrón.

She sat down hard on a barstool and poured herself a generous shot. Swirling the tequila in her cup she looked lost in deep thought. I made my way behind the bar and pulled out a glass of my own. I began prepping the lime slices and salt but she didn’t wait for me. She threw back her head and gulped the strong drink, wincing as it went down.

Then she started pouring herself another one.

Her eyes slid up to meet mine in quiet determination. She looked woozy yet still defiant.

“Well, damn,” I said, finally breaking the silence that had been building up between us.

A bark of amusement shot out of her mouth before she covered it with her hand. It was like being back in middle school all over again. My lips twitched as I tried to hold back my own grin. I downed my shot and heard her break into the same kind of hysterical fit that, when we were kids, would become contagious.

She stopped laughing long enough to knock back one more shot, and then choked and coughed after it went down. She rested her head on the edge of the bar, her shoulders shaking with laughter, and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I laughed long and hard right along with her.

After a couple of minutes her chuckling slowed into sputtering gasps. She lifted her head and heaved out a gloomy sigh. Her eyes welled with tears that had nothing to do with the laughter from moments before as she tried keeping her trembling lips in a neat straight line. But she failed miserably after two seconds more as the floodgates opened and she began bawling.

Fat trails of tears rolled down her cheeks, and she tried swiping at them unsuccessfully.

Her emotions were all over the map tonight.

“Hey,” I said, my own voice rough with compassion. “Come here.”

I pulled her into my arms, and she cried even harder against my shoulder. My cotton T-shirt was soon soaked from her tears, but I didn’t give two shits. This was the kind of weeping she’d done in the hospital over that same piece of garbage, and I fucking hated hearing it again.

“It’s gonna be okay,” I said, rubbing circles on her back. I wasn’t sure what to say at this point that wouldn’t hurt her worse.

Her arms, which had been hanging limply at her sides, came up to grasp my shoulders, as if I were her anchor. She was breathing heavily into my neck, and I felt her tears slide onto the skin at the base of my throat.

My fingers trailed down her back to grasp her waist, and I could feel how lean she was. Not as lean as she’d been in the hospital. This was shapely, sexy, all-woman lean. My fingers rested on the sliver of bare skin that had become exposed when she’d raised her arms to embrace me, and I relished the softness there.

Her head moved to the crook of my neck, and I felt her shudder, so I drew her even closer, my fingers sliding up her bare back in an attempt to comfort her. The next moment I felt a tentative brush of her lips against my skin. Right above the neckline of my shirt. I became perfectly still, wondering if I’d only imagined it.

But then she trailed her soft lips across my neck to my throat as I swallowed roughly. It felt so damn good that I couldn’t help the groan that escaped my lips shortly thereafter.

I grabbed hold of her shoulders and pushed back to look into her eyes. There was alarm there at what she’d done, certainly. Like her body had been on auto-pilot and she couldn’t stop herself. Yet there was something underneath as well. Need. Passion. Desperation.

At that realization my brain lost all logical function. I gathered her face in my hands and whispered, “What are you doing, Rach?”

She shook her head, maybe trying to clear the doubt, the shock. “I . . . I don’t know.”

My thumbs slid over her cheeks and I asked the more direct question. The one that maybe she’d been waiting for, given how she’d dealt with her emotions the past three years. “What do you need?”

In response, she closed her eyes and let out a whimper. Her hips thrust forward against mine and my dick immediately responded.

Then I felt her fingernail trail up the back of my neck, and she fisted my hair tightly in her grasp, which only lit a fire inside my chest. I realized just how fucking much I wanted her in that moment.

Except, she didn’t want me in the same way. She just wanted the idea of me. She wanted the escape I could give her. And given my history with the female population, she probably thought I knew damn well how to deliver it to her.

Sure, after downing those two shots she probably wasn’t thinking too clearly. But neither was I, because she was touching me and her hands were warm and her sounds were sexy and her eyes told me she needed me. Just for tonight.

And I’d give her whatever the hell she wanted, even if I had to forget it ever happened tomorrow. I’d do that for her. And suffer the consequences.

Before I could reason any further, she brought her other hand up and stroked the pad of her thumb across the flesh of my bottom lip. I let out a soft growl and flattened my body against hers.

Her back angled above the lip of the bar, and I positioned my groin against her smooth center as she spread her knees to adjust. And, shit, being this close to her was amazing. Fucking unbelievable. To smell her soft scent and hear the heightened arousal in her harsh breaths.

A moan tumbled from her lips and her nipples pebbled through the thin material of her shirt. I flicked my tongue along her jaw to her ear and mumbled, “Is this what you wanted?”

“Yes.” She panted out a breath, and then opened her eyes to look at me. Her pupils were clear. So damn clear in that moment. “Please.”

No question about it. I was so fucked.

My entire body was thrumming with carnal lust and the need to escape into someone else, the way I usually did these days. This was so damn wrong, but something about it felt so fucking right. More right than any of my past conquests had ever felt.