Tara Sivec - Worn Me Down

“I married William right out of college. I’d never had sex with anyone before or after him. I forgot what it’s like to have a man touch me without being afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.”

Her quiet admission guts me. How in the fuck can I ever deny her anything? She’s been through hell and back and right now, she just wants me to take it all away. I may not be husband or father material, and I know I’m absolutely not the guy for Gwen, but I can do this. I can give her what she needs right here, right now. I can do this for her and it doesn’t have to mean anything… it can’t.

Not taking my eyes off of her, I slide my hand back down between her legs, this time, inching my fingers under the lace waistband of her underwear. I watch as her mouth falls open with a gasp when my hand travels lower and my fingers slide through the lips of her pussy. I let out a groan when I feel how wet she is. Sliding my hand back, I let the tips of my fingers circle her clit slowly. Gwen closes her eyes and starts to turn her head away from me and I still my fingers.

“Open your eyes and look at me.”

Gwen blinks her eyes back open and stares at my mouth as I start moving my fingers again. “Keep your eyes on me. When you come, I want you to know it’s me doing this to you.”

She whimpers as I push my middle finger inside of her and use my thumb to rub her clit. The feel of her coating my fingers and the breathy sounds she makes as I pump my finger in and out of her makes me want to bury myself inside of her. I want to feel that heat wrapped around my cock. I want to feel her pussy throb around me when she loses control.

Gwen’s arm comes back behind her and she wraps her hand around my neck, pulling me down to her mouth. I add a second finger to the first and easily slide in and out of her, my tongue swirling through her mouth in a matching rhythm.

Her hips start to move against my hand, pushing me deeper as she rides my fingers and helps me give her pleasure. Right when her breathing picks up and I know she’s seconds away from coming, she pulls her mouth away from me and her free hand clutches onto mine, halting my movements.

“Stop. I don’t want to come without you inside me,” she mumbles, staring up into my eyes.

Her words shoot right to my dick and I’m so hard right now I feel like I could break fucking glass. This was supposed to be just about her – giving her pleasure and ignoring whatever fucking needs I might have. She shifts her hips, pushing both of our fingers through her wetness and I’m lost.

I quickly pull my hand out from under hers and shove my boxer briefs down as far as I can reach, immediately reaching for her lacy underwear and yanking them down her thighs so she can kick them the rest of the way off.

Gwen brings one of her legs up and hooks it back over my knee, opening herself up to me. I wrap my hand around my cock and guide it between her legs from behind, sliding the tip through her wetness until I find her entrance. I bring my arm back around her waist until my fingers find her clit again, working my fingertips in a circle, around and around and slowly inch my way inside of her.

She opens her leg wider, her body stretching to fit me while she pants softly as I work my way inside. I take my time, sliding in a little and then pulling back out before pushing in a little further than before, over and over until I’m as deep as I can go.

“Jesus Christ you feel good,” I mutter, bringing my head down to the side of her neck and nipping at her skin.

She answers me by pulling her hips forward until my cock almost slips out of her and then she quickly pushes her ass back against me until I’m buried deep again, both of us moaning in unison.

I hold still, knowing if I don’t keep this slow, I’m going to hurt her with the force of my need for her. She’s too hot, too wet and so tight I want to weep like a fucking baby.

“Are you okay?” I breathe against her neck as my cock throbs inside of her.

She turns her head back towards me and kisses me, her tongue darting out to skim across my bottom lip before she whispers against my mouth. “I’d be better if you started moving.”

Jesus Christ, I love her smart mouth.

Pushing myself up on my elbow so I can look down at her, I pull my hips back and quickly slam inside her, unable to control myself any longer. My fingers start moving over her clit again as I pump myself in and out of her, over and over until her body is sliding up and down the bed with the force of my thrusts. I know I should slow down; savor this moment and take my time with her, but I can’t.

I knew fucking her would be the death of me. I want to stay inside of her forever and never come up for air. I want to pound away all of the bullshit baggage we both have until nothing else matters but what we’re doing right now.

Her hips move against my hand and I use two fingers to rub her clit. I thrust into her body over and over until there’s nothing left of my thoughts but how good it feels to be inside of her. The sounds of our bodies slapping together and Gwen’s low, throaty moans fill the room and turn me on even more. She’s so small and for a moment I’m afraid I’m going to break her in half with the force of my need for her, but her hips move with me, taking everything I have to give.

Her breath is coming out in gasps and I know she’s close to coming. I thank God for that because I’m not going to be able to hold off much longer. I move my fingers faster and fuck her harder.

“Oh fuck… fuck I’m coming. Austin… oh my God…”

Her whispered curses against mouth and the way she moans my name pushes me over the edge. She comes against my hand and I start thrusting harder until I explode, my orgasm barreling out of me with the force of a freight train. I come inside of her while her body shakes against me.

I thrust my hips a few more times, prolonging my release until I collapse behind her, both of us sweaty and panting heavily. When I’m finally able to catch my breath, I pull out of her with a wince, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her back against me.

I listen to the sound of her breathing as she drifts off to sleep and the only thought in my mind is that I didn’t use a condom.

Son of a bitch.

I awake in bed on my stomach, the feel of a hand skimming down my back. Blinking my eyes open, I stare out the window across from me and see that the sun is just coming up. It takes me a minute to remember where I am, but the ache between my legs brings everything back.

Turning my head on the pillow, I see Austin sitting up against the headboard. I swallow thickly when I get a look at his bare chest. It was so dark in the room last night that I could barely see him. His chest is smooth and cut with muscles, and there’s a tattoo over his left pec.

I stare at the words for a few seconds before reading them softly out loud. “All gave some, but some gave all.”

Austin’s hand stills on my back and he watches me read the names listed underneath the quote. There are two men’s names – first and last and their Naval rank.

“You’re job is dangerous.” It’s a statement, not a question. When I realized Brady wasn’t going to volunteer information about his work with the SEALS, I tried asking him a few times but he always changes the subject. I often wondered if he didn’t want to talk because it was top-secret stuff I wasn’t supposed to know about, or if there were things that happened that he didn’t want to remember.

A cloud passes over Austin’s face and I realize the latter is probably the truth.

Just as quickly, the haunted look in his eyes is gone, replaced by a lopsided smile. “I’m a SEAL, darlin’. We live for danger.”

I roll my eyes at him and turn over in bed, pulling the sheet up with me as I shuffle up to the headboard next to him. “You can cut it with the flirting and panty-dropping smile. I’m immune to your charms, Austin Conrad.”

He chuckles, reaching over and sliding the sheet down until my breasts are exposed to him. He places the palm of his hand over one breast, his thumb moving back and forth over my nipple until it hardens.

“Immune, huh?” he whispers with a raise of his eyebrow.

I swat his hand away, pulling the sheet back up to cover my chest. In the process, I have to lean away from him and my right arm is no longer pushed up against his. Too late I realize that everything that happened between us last night was done under the cover of night. The sun is up now and the light is streaming in through the windows. I quickly try to cover up the scar on my arm with my left hand, but Austin reaches out and stops me.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispers, staring at the long red scar that goes from my elbow up to the mid point of my arm.

I look away from him, blinking back tears. This is why I should have gone with my gut instinct and not done this with him. I have scars marking so many different parts of my body, but this one is the worst. Each mark on my skin reminds me of what a coward I was for so long and now Austin can see all of them. He told me I wasn’t weak or pathetic, but that was before he saw the evidence that I clearly was. I might as well shatter his illusions for good.

“This was from the last night I let him touch me,” I begin quietly, staring down at my hands in my lap. “William was always insecure and jealous, accusing me of sleeping with everyone from one of his fellow surgeons to the UPS man. He called me a whore and a tease and then shattered my Humerus bone in three places. My radial nerve was torn and I had to have surgery to put everything back together, and now I have a wonderful reminder to look at every day of what an idiot I was.”

Austin places his hand over my arm and rubs his palm up and down the scar that required twenty staples to keep it closed.

“How many times do I have to tell you to cut that shit out? Your scars do not define you. They’re a badge of fucking courage and you should be proud of yourself for surviving. You’re still alive, Emma is still alive and as far as I can tell, you’ve done one hell of a job making sure none of this shit touched her. We all have scars, Gwen, some of yours just happen to be on the outside.”

Leaning my head against the headboard, I reach out and run my fingers over the tattoo on his chest. “Is this one of your scars?”

I realize suddenly that I don’t know that much about Austin’s past. He’s always so sure of himself and cocky, but I know he’s seen things he wishes he could forget. He’s been to war and he’s been in countries where horrible things happen right in front of you and he’s lost friends that he felt so strongly about he memorialized them on his skin forever. He told me he grew up in foster care and that it wasn’t a picnic, but he never really elaborated. He knows everything about me now – all of my deep, dark secrets from my past and I barely know anything about him. Why did he join the Navy? What happened to his parents? Why hasn’t he ever settled down and had children? Much to my amazement, he’s been wonderful with Emma. He’s patient with her, makes her laugh and she seems to adore him. There’s more to him than the arrogant smile and cocky attitude and I want to know what made him the person he is.

I trace each name on his skin and wait for him to respond. After a few seconds, he mirrors my pose with his head against the headboard and sighs.

“No, not a scar, just a way to honor some men who gave their lives without a second thought,” he tells me.

Austin pulls my hand away from his chest and brings it up to his mouth, flipping it over and kissing my palm before bringing both of our hands back to rest against his warm skin. “This job, it means everything to me. Those men are my family and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for each and every one of them. I can never turn my backs on them and I can never let them down.”

He’s so strong in his convictions that I can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to relay something else through these words. Even though I have no idea what this thing is between us and I have no idea what the future will hold, I would hope that he would know I would never ask him to give up something that important to him. I don’t know if this was a one-time thing or if it’s something more. Hell, I don’t even know if I want something more right now. I know the kind of person he is; I know his job is his life and it doesn’t matter if this thing ends right now or continues on after the mess of my life is cleared up, I would never try to make him into something he’s not. I have too much experience with that to ever do it to someone else.