Molly Ryan - A Real Disaster

Friends sure.

Together we walked to the ice cream shop. The night air was crisp and nippy. The sun had set, taking whatever warmth with it. Unable to wrap my arms around myself, I shivered a little.

“Are you cold?”

“Yeah,” I said nodding.

Immediately Turner shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders.

“Better?”

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine,” I told him.

“I’ll be fine too.,” Turner assured me. “I’m not the one shivering anyway.”

I didn’t know what I wanted. I already regretted what had happened the night before. My mind just took over after seeing Nash and another girl all over each other. Turner was so nice to me and I was hurting. It was a mistake. How was I going to let him down easy without losing him as a friend.

We continued to walk.

“I didn’t think I could recover from that horrible first date. I thought that was it; I thought I was toast. I’m glad I’m not Lily...”

He smiled at me.

“Yeah, It takes more than one horrible date to send me running,” I responded, giving him a fake grin.

“Really? Even though you hadn’t dated much? I thought that I completely ruined it for you.”

“”Nah.”

The way he was acting made it obvious he thought we were together.

I didn’t want to hurt him.

I still wanted to be friends.

“Well, well, well, look at the happy couple.”

My head whipped around to the voice. Nash was standing there, partially hidden in the shadow, smoking a cigarette.

I wrinkled my nose. He just had to show up.

“Nash,” Turner said and I felt him tense next to me.

 I threw a little prayer up that the two of them wouldn’t get into an all-out brawl.

“What do you want?” I asked Nash.

“Nothing,” Nash sneered and stumbled closer.

I could smell the alcohol on Nash’s breath.

“And I’m doing much better, thank you. You’re pussy punch didn’t keep me down for long.”

“Whatever, now if you’ll excuse us,” Turner responded.

“Wait a minute!” Nash cried. “Tell me about this happy couple. When did you guys get together? Last time I checked Turner, you let this lovely woman stumble back to her dorm, drunk, while you partied.”

“Nash-” I said under my breath.

“How do you know that?” Turner asked.

His eyes narrowed as he stared at Nash.

“Because I was the one who had to bring her back. She was in no shape to walk all on her own.”

Turner turned to me.

“Is it true?”

“I didn’t ask him to walk me home,” I tried to explain. “I was walking home and he saw me. He just wanted to make sure I got there safe.”

It was beginning to take a lot of effort trying to keep them both happy.

“And that’s all?”

“Well-” Nash started.

If this led to me spending the night at Nash’s then I knew there would be another fight. This time, Nash wouldn’t hold back.

“That’s all,” I said, cutting Nash off.

I shot daggers at Nash but he pretended not to notice. What the hell was he trying to do? What the hell was his problem? Would Nash really tell Turner about our night together? Yeah, he would. Anything to get a rise out of him.

“Come on Turner, let’s go get that ice cream.”

“I’ll see you two love birds later,” Nash said.

He dropped the cigarette onto the dirt and rubbed it out with the toe of his sneaker.

“You know where to find me sexy.”

Now he was trying to get a rise out of me.

Nash turned and sauntered away. Turner didn’t budge until we couldn’t see Nash anymore.

“That son of a bitch! What the fuck is he getting at?! What was he trying to prove?! Bastard!”

“He was just trying to get under your skin. Ignore him. He’s not worth it.”

In that moment, I truly believed my words. I wasn’t sure if it was because Nash was angry at me still for leaving his place the other morning, or because of his immense hatred for Turner, but he was acting like an asshole. He knew those words would hurt Turner, humiliate him even, and yet Nash didn’t care. Turner’s shoulder’s sagged and he hung his head.

“I guess this is yet another date that was ruined.”

“Just focus on other stuff. How about we go in and get some ice cream?”

I didn’t want to tell him the truth that this wasn’t a date for me to begin with. I’d rather make everyone happy. It was obvious Nash was angry at me already even when everything was his fault.

This was a real disaster.

“Of course,” Turner said.

He spun me around until I was facing him and then with his finger Turner lifted my head. His lips felt tender as they begin to massage against mine.

“Stop Turner,” I told him, pushing him back.

 “Sorry, I’ve just wanted to do that since we left the dorms.”

“Okay, but not out in public.”

“Sorry…”

“So, uh, what do you like to do in your spare time?” Turner said for the eighth time.

I smiled at him as he flushed but my smile was forced.

“I’m sorry. I know I keep asking the same question but my mind went blank. I’m just so nervous.”

Nervous about what, I wanted to ask. This was our third so called date, and our first date was disastrous and the second one was going good until he held me down in bed. I tried to put it to the back of my mind but it kept coming back to me, reminding me that I didn't like Turner as a boyfriend.

“There’s no reason to be nervous,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “I think we’re close enough to skip the polite conversation, don’t you think?”

Turner flushed again as the spoon he was holding slipped from his fingers. It clattered against the ice cream bowl and others around us jumped, glaring at us. I bit the inside of my lip to refrain from rolling my eyes.

God, could this get any worse?

“Sorry,” Turner mumbled. “I guess all I know how to do is fuck up. I mean, obviously that’s all I know how to do because that’s all I’ve been doing.”

And here comes the self-pity.

“You’re not fucking anything up,” I lied.

I tried not to sneer as Turner rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. At first Turner’s awkwardness was a turn on; something that made him cute and vulnerable. But now… It was becoming annoying. The guy sitting in front of me wasn’t the guy I originally met and it was a complete turn off. I didn’t want to be mean to him though.

 “Is it good?” I asked.

“It’s amazing,” Turner gushed.

“Oh wow, it’s late. I think once we finish we should get going. I have a lot to do.”

“Want me to keep you company in your room?” Turner said with a wink. “Or, if you’d rather, I can take you back to my place. We could pick up where we left off?”

How could I go back there when everything already sucked right where we were?

“I wish I could,” I said, feigning regret. “But I have a test to study for… A big one. If I don’t ace this, my G.P.A. will drop.”

Turner frowned and actually put his milkshake down.

“That’s a bummer. Do you want me to help you study? I’m used to pulling all-nighters. I can get us some coffee, some donuts, and we can make a night of it. Nothing else, I promise.”

“Thanks for the offer but I think this is kind of a solo job, you know?”

Turner shrugged but he lost his smile as he finished the milkshake.

“Okay,” he said after a minute.

“Not a problem. Maybe we can hang out this week.”

“Maybe,” I said lightly.

The two of us stood up and exited the place, surrounding ourselves with the cool night. I turned my head up to the stars and silently wished that things could get better.

“Do you want to do something this weekend… After your test?”

I clamped my lips shut tight, not wanting to say yes but feeling too bad to say no. Turner wasn’t a horrible guy. It was just that the more I hung out with him, the less I felt for him. We were good as friends and that was all I could do… But how could I tell him that? And what happened at his place didn't make things any better. It was a huge mistake on my part. The way it ended made it hard for me to see myself with Turner, ever.

“Turner I-”

Turner stopped and I nearly crashed into him.

“Let me guess. You think we’re great as friends but nothing else, right? You don’t feel for me what I feel for you, right?”

Too shocked to say anything, I only nodded.

“I’m sorry,’ I murmured.

“Don’t be. It’s not something I haven’t heard before… Especially after girls meet Nash.”

Turner didn’t sound angry, nor did he sound resentful. Turner just sounded… Sad. I wanted to grab his hand and tell him that it wasn’t Nash… That this had nothing to do with him. Nash wasn’t involved in my decision at all. I knew, though, that even if I did tell him that, Turner wouldn’t believe me.

“It’s fine, Lily. I get it.”

“Do you?” I asked. “Do you get it Turner?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “I understand. I’m just not boyfriend material. There’s no spark, right? There’s nothing there… Or at least you don’t feel it.”

I didn’t want to ask if he felt it. I knew what the answer would be.

“I’m sorry.”

“Let’s get back to the dorm.”

Turner made a sharp left and I couldn’t do anything else but follow him.

* * *

I let myself into the dorm using my key and immediately dropped my bag onto the floor. Sabrina, who was surprisingly in the dorm studying, looked up when I walked in. She closed the thick text book, marking her page with a highlighter, and turned to me.

“Rough night?” she asked and I nodded, too exhausted to answer.

I shimmied out of my clothes and exchanged it for a baggy t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants.

“I’m assuming the date didn’t go well?”

“You would be assuming correctly,” I told her.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “It started out fine,”

“But then it just fell to pieces. He’s not for me.”

I laid out to Sabrina the whole date if you want to call it that. I started with the night before. Then from the time we left the dorm room earlier and bumped into Nash, right up until I walked into the room. She nodded and murmured as I spoke but I wasn’t sure if she was truly listening to me. She probably didn’t understand my fear of being held down by someone. She probably would enjoy it the way she talked.

“Sorry for bogging you down with this crap. I just needed to talk to someone. I really thought that everything was going well. Turner… Well he seemed like a great guy, a hell of a lot better than Nash. But after last night and today… I don’t even want to hang out with him, honestly.”

“I totally get it,” Sabrina told me. “And Turner is a nice guy. But if I’m going to be honest with you, Lily, he’s kind of dull.”

Dull? Now all of a sudden Turner was dull?

“I wasn’t going to say anything before because you seemed really into him.”

Really? She obviously didn’t understand what I was talking about.

“Whatever.”

I plopped down onto my bed and pulled a blanket over me.

Curling on to my one side, I turned off my lamp and stared, bleary-eyed at the wall. My body was tired and my eyes drooped but my mind would not stop thinking about the day, or about Turner and Nash.

Although I wasn’t going to admit it, Sabrina hit it right on the nose. I liked Nash, as much as I didn’t want to. Probably more than I should and I knew it. But there was something about him; something about the way he talked to me, that drove me to him. Up until our fight, he was the person I talked to if I needed anything, even more than Sabrina.

Nash had the air of confidence and security that I wanted coupled with the sense of adventure I craved. Compared to Nash, Turner was bland.

And he reminded me of my dark past.

But it didn’t matter.

I didn’t like Turner and Nash didn’t like me. He made that perfectly clear the other day and was obviously pissed when he saw Turner and I together. I was right back to where I started; alone. What was I going to do about it?

With that thought in my mind, I finally closed my eyes and willed my body to sleep.

* * *

A few weeks later at around three o’clock in the morning, I heard a pebble hit the thin window of my dorm room. Before I opened my eyes, I heard the second and then the third pebbles. Soon the pebbles weren’t coming one by one but instead in packs, sounding like hail. If it kept going I knew that it would wake Sabrina up and then all hell would break loose.