L. Miller - Gilded Wings

“Thanks”, I smiled.

Since we had arrived I had purposely been putting distance between us. My body longed for his touch, yet my head knew what his touch represented. Lust, unfaithfulness. Not that Henry gave that a second thought. But what Henry had done was inconsequential. It did not indicate that I was at liberty to indulge in my own adulterous relationship.

I grabbed the home phone and headed out into the hallway toward the kitchen. Connor followed me out. Suddenly I was aware of my every movement.

“Evie”, I turned to look at his staring at me impassively.

“I’m just going to order the pizza”. I smile sweetly and dialled the number praying for someone to answer quickly.

“Hello, Papa John’s, can I take your order”

“Hi, yes”. Shit. Connor started to walk towards me, his eyes full of lustful determination. Stopping mere inches away from my face. His breathing deepened and my heart lurched.

“I’ll, um, sorry, I’ll have two large Margaritas”. As I say the words Connor has stepped behind me out of view. I can sense him. Feel the closeness of his body. His hot luscious breath just moments from my neck. Instinctively I tilted my head a little to expose my bare neck. Allowing the tingling sensation to run father along my neck.

“A um, large meat feast, and”.

“Concentrate Evie” he whispered against my neck. His hands wrap around my waist and he pulls me into him. I can feel his erection pushing in to the small of my back.

“And, sorry, a large pepperoni, with”. I stuttered.

His tongue traced the line from my lobe to the base of my neck. He holds me by my waist and turns me to face him. His eyes are filled with intent.

“and two portions of wedges please.” Our mouths just moments away from meeting.

“Ok maam, that will be about thirty minutes and should we deliver to the usual address?”

“Yes please”. Connor grabbed the phone and placed it gently on the granite kitchen worktop. My lips parted wanting to tell him to stop. He was so beautifully perfect. His hand cupped the back of my head and his lips touched mine. For a brief moment I allowed myself to enjoy his full soft lips kissing mine. To allow my mind to wander at what it would be like to be with Connor. He pulled away breaking the connection of our mouths. His eyes sunk into mine. Carmel tones softened his piercing blue eyes. My face was still cupped between his hands. Yes, Yes my subconscious screamed at me, kiss me again.

“Do you want me Evie?” The sound of his voice saying the words out loud brang my world crashing down around me.

“Connor, I, I am getting married. I can’t do this”.

“You’re making a mistake Evie, you don’t want him. If you did you wouldn’t have let me touch you the way I just did.”

Is this just a game to him? Does he just want the thrill of the chase. Another conquest to add to his growing concern?

“Who the hell do you think you are? You came over and started touching me while I was on the phone. What did you expect me to do?”

“You could have stopped me if you wanted to. Tell me you didn’t feel it. Tell me you didn’t want me to kiss you?”

“I didn’t.”

“You can lie to yourself, but I know what you felt. I felt it to. Tell me you’re not wet with anticipation over what I just did to you.”

So what if he was right and the wet slick feeling between my legs was alight with desire for Connor.

I reached out and slapped him across his face as hard as I could, which was in turn pathetically lame. “You are a complete and utter arse hole. Does it make you feel good to play with my emotions. Then, to talk to me like that, like I am some cheap slut. Fuck you Connor.” I spat at him, biting back the tremor in my voice.

I stormed past him, heading towards the lounge. Seething with anger, I went and sat next to Lex. Bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them holding them in place.

“You ok hun?” Lex asked softly.

“Yeah, I’m just fine”. I couldn’t quite hide the bitterness from my voice.

Connor walked in with a bottle of wine and some beers for the guys. Wine wasn’t going to do what I needed it too. I crawled behind the sofa and reached into the drinks cabinet. I needed something strong. My life was shattering before me and I wanted to forget, forget everything.

“Want a shot girls?”

Connor’s eyes burned into me. He gaze capturing my every move. I feel liberated and he was not going to bring me down. He is not going to control my capacity for alcohol. Not him.

A knock at the door startled us, it had only been ten minutes since we ordered pizza.

“It’s the rest of the band Evie, hope ya don’t mind.” Travie said as seductively as possible. He went to let them in.

Mitch, Callum and a pretty blonde followed Travie into the lounge. They looked every inch the noticeable rock stars.

“Hey Evie” Callum said with a light hug. “This is Daisy.” I smiled at her. She was pretty, meek, with strawberry blonde hair and chestnut eyes. They went and found a space on the rug. Their bodies pressed into one another’s. Alexis’ eyes were burning into Daisy, she was jealous. Callum had a soft spot for Lex. For the past year she had obscured his advances and pushed the attraction she had towards him away. She was too stubborn to act on it. The hounds of groupies that followed the band deterred her from allowing anything to happen with him. It was such a shame as they were a picture perfect couple.

“Well hellowww gorgeous” Mitch cooed, obviously a little under the influence of alcohol. He pulled me into a tight embrace ad held me there a little longer than necessary. As he set me down I turned towards the group and saw the uncomfortable tightening of Connor’s jaw. His fists clenched simultaneously.

* * *

Empty pizza boxes covered the floor. Mitch belched and in unison Travie and Callum followed suit. Men.

I collected the grease ridden boxes together and walked them out to the kitchen. My legs were unsteady in my precarious heels, after consuming a variety of spirited shots. I kicked them off in quick succession. ahhh.

“Here let me help you”.

“I don’t want your help.” I practically spat at him.

“I’m sorry Evie. What I said… I was a complete and utter idiot. I was out of order and you are right to be mad. But what I don’t understand is why are you making this so hard for me?”

“What the hell are you talking about? I don’t have time for your mind games Connor. What is it you want to hear exactly? — You want to hear that I find you attractive? Yes I do, that much is obvious. Or you want to hear that I would like to fuck you?”

His eyes widened at my rhetorical question. The drink was allowing words to spill from my mouth without giving me a chance to process them. “Yes Connor, of course I would like to fuck you, who wouldn’t. BUT — I am getting married in three weeks. You know this. I have been honest with you and yet you still persist”.

He paused, bringing his finger and thumb to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I do not want you to help my ego Evie. I find you absolutely stunning. You are beautiful. Your body is divine and the way you moved when you danced with me made me want to make you mine forever.” He sighed, his eyes meeting with mine. “I don’t want to fuck you Evie. I want to protect you and be with you. When I held you the other night. All night. I had never felt so close to someone in my life and I think you feel it too”.

Why doesn’t he want to fuck me?

“You don’t know me Connor. Not even close. You don’t want to fuck me and yet you caress me and try to seduce me. If that isn’t messing with someone then you need to re-evaluate your approach because it’s shit”.

Connor let out a patronising laugh. Why was this so hard to process? Why was he saying all of these things to me? There was no possible way to stop my tears. My body wanted to melt against the raging emotions running through my bloodstream. I would not do this in front of Connor. He was the reason for my doubt. He was the reason my body was yearning for his caress. How could one man make me feel so safe yet at the same time spinning out of control. The exit of the kitchen called me. I ran. Chest pounding against my rib cage.

“Evie!” I heard him call after me. I kept running. Swinging round the banister, taking two steps at a time. I paused when I reached the first floor landing. Where to run too? Where could I hide and let my body release the tears that wanted to flood me into a deep solitary state. Looking around for somewhere to hide. My studio. I fled up the next set of stairs and cocooned myself within the walls of my art.

I felt safe, but at the same time I had never felt so alone.

“Sssshh don’t cry. I never wanted to make you cry”. His arms wrapped around my body. Rocking me gently until my tears subsided.

“I didn’t want to scare you Evie. I know you are getting married. I just wanted you to consider me. Consider what you felt, what you feel for me”.

I looked up to his eyes. Consider him? I saw such raw, unavoidable emotion in his eye. His tone was filled with unspoken words. I stroked his face with my right hand. The feeling of his rough stubble against his soft skin was electric. Connor’s eyes closed at my touch. His breathing deepened, leaning his face into my cupped palm. A soft groan left his lips. It almost sounded pained. I studied his face. His strong jaw line framed his perfectly formed full lips. Lips that were calling me to place mine against them. He looked so vulnerable.

I pushed my hands around his neck. Entwining my fingers through the back of his ashen hair. Anticipation lingered. Allowing my grief and pain to influence my next movements I tilted my head and stared impassively at his blush pink lips. I leaned closer. Testing the boundaries of our feelings. They parted and I could feel his warm breath against mine. This was the most sensual experience I had ever had the pleasure of feeling. My gaze moved upwards. His eyes were open intently focusing on mine. I couldn’t break free from his intense gaze. His eyes were alight with desire, desire for me. His scent was overwhelmingly intoxicating. I let my heart precept my mind.

I shouldn’t, but tentatively, disconnected from my usually obedient self, I allowed my lips to meet with his. His kiss was so sensually soft. I parted my lips, allowing his tongue to enter my mouth. He was so gentle, caring, attentive. His tongue brushed mine, circling and dancing together in rhythmic bliss. An unexpected bolt of electricity ran through every cell in my body. Inexplicable wanting rushed through my bloodstream. This is what kisses between two lovers were meant to feel like. Emotional turmoil threatened to erupt. The pain, dishonesty. I was no better than Henry. Was I doing this to ease the pain of his betrayal?

My body physically trembled with torn emotions. “Stop”, I pushed back. In a single moment of exquisite clarity I had realised what I wanted. I wanted him. I wanted Connor.

Instantaneous wanting soared through me. He was it, my everything, all my mind could focus on. He was out of reach. No amount of rationalising could justify being with him. Leaving Henry.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just… I can’t.”

Connor intercepted my sentence with his mouth devouring mine. This felt so natural. So un-inhibiting. The taste of his tongue, the softness of his lips. Momentarily I hesitated.

“Ssh don’t think Evie, just feel. Do what your heart feels,” he whispered, so seductively.

Fleeted Kisses ran along my jaw bone. My body shivering at the placement of each one. Heart pounding eagerly. His tongue followed the curve of my neck, sensually placing kisses intermittently until he reached my breast bone. Our eyes locked, both of us full with wanting passion. But his eyes seeking permission. I didn’t try and stop him; I wanted this as much as he did. Gently he laid me back against the soft lush sheepskin rug which centred the varnished wooden floor boards. Here I was, lying with Connor’s body above mine. His head leaned into me. My lips parted to accommodate his searching tongue. Our kiss turned passionate, eager. The taste of his tongue delving heatedly into my mouth. His hand cupped the hollow of my lower back, arching my spine until my breasts met with his stone hard chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck, our lips never parting. He tasted so serene. So perfect. His tongue devoured my mouth wantonly. Liquid desire flowed freely between my throbbing thighs. The hand that held my lower back slid further around me until my waist was locked in a grip by his arm. Within moments he had lifted me on to his lap. I parted my legs, allowing myself to straddle him. I could feel his rock hard erection press against my aching sex. I needed more. The partition of clothing had to be removed. I needed to feel his skin against mine.