L. Miller - Gilded Wings

I climbed out of my bath. It was time. I couldn’t hide in here any longer. As I walked through to my bedroom wrapped in my silk robe I was take a back by the vision of Lex, she was stunning.

“Wow, Lex you look beautiful”, I teared up seeing the loving looking she had in her eyes. Alexis was evolving into such a beautiful young woman.

“Oh don’t make me cry sis. I’ve just had my make up done”. She hugged me tightly and I didn’t want to let her go. If I did I was afraid I would finally loose every link to my family.

“Shame Lucy couldn’t come. I can’t believe she has food poisoning”.

I knew in my gut Lucy wouldn’t come today, but a small part of me kept wishing for the impossible. Hoping.

“I know, I’m going to miss her today”.

“Come on don’t cry.”

I sat in front of the propped up mirror the hair stylish has brought with her. I didn’t recognize myself. The face in the mirror was practically a stranger; it petrified me. I glanced down watching my hands unable to look at the woman I had become.

The stylist back combed and brushed my hair out. Sectioning it and wrapping large foam rollers in. Individually pinning them into place. As they set the make-up artist began her work. I rested my hands over my stomach protectively holding my baby. My tiny growing bean.

After thirty minutes of brushing and sweeping the hair stylist disappeared allowing time for the rollers to set. I sat, deep in thought. Trying to evaluate my life in its entirety. Trying to establish some sense of purpose. I was empty, nothing apart from my growing baby gave my life purpose. A tousled mismatch of images, flooding my mind, none clearly defining anything other than the mess of my existence. I haven’t cried in days, not once. Every time I try to summon the tears, it’s like the well inside of me is bone dry. There’s nothing there. Nothing left.

After twenty minutes my hair stylist returned. She removed the rollers one by one allowing my brunette locks cascade in soft romantic curls. Braiding two pieces of hair either side of my temples and pinning them at the back of my head. I looked into the mirror and finally I smiled. I felt beautiful. My hair was sultry boho and my make up was naturally chic. Smokey kohl highlighting my blue eyes. Lex unhooked my dress from the hanger and helped me slip into it. I stood in front of the mirror as she buttoned the back. I was consumed with fear and regret. Looking at myself in the mirror I was aware I should be blissfully happy. This is exactly how I dreamed of looking on my wedding day. I just found myself wishing I would be marrying someone else.

“It’s time Evie”, Lex called up to me.

I slipped on my crystal strapped Manolo stilettos and took my first step out of the house. This was it. No turning back.

The cream vintage Bentley was beautiful. The tan leather interior complimented the neutral colours. Lex looked stunning in her black lace dress. I wouldn’t have thought it possible to look even more outstanding than when we first bought them, but with her hair pulled into a side bun and her flawless make up she simply looked like perfection.

She took my hand and we sat in silence for the rest of the journey.

As the Bentley drove into the grounds it really took my breath away. The 18^th century mansion was beautiful. Palladian, sitting centred in over one hundred acres of picturesque greenery. Hues of Lavender and blue wild flowers framing the perfectly sculpted architecture.

“Ready?”

“Ready” I smiled trying to frame the apprehension in my tone.

Lex slipped out of the car first, graciously. She walked around the front of the bonnet until she arrived at my door offering her hand to help me out of the car.

We walked arm in arm up the natural slate steps to huge double doors which lead us into the entrance hall of the house.

We were greeted by a smart looking woman in a dress suit.

“Hello Everline, My name is Greta and I am your wedding planner”.

I took her extended hand to shake it. “It is so lovely to finally meet with you. I will show you to your private suite where you can wait until you are ready to walk down the aisle.”

Greta indicated for us to follow her. She led us right into a stone walled corridor. At the end of the corridor was a wooden door with ‘Bride’ inscribed on it. Greta opened the door for me. The room was pretty and was filled with the scent of sweet peas.

“You have about fifteen minutes and then I will come back to fetch you. Your florist will hand you your flowers in the great hall then the doors to the ceremony room will be opened for you to walk down.”

“Thank you Greta”

Greta left the room closing the door behind her. The sound of the door shutting was my queue to exhale. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes until I am a married woman. My stomach let out a groan, I haven’t eaten all day. I am starving and my baby bean must want something too.

“Hey Lex, could you do something for me?” Fluttering my eyelashes at her.

“Depends what it is,” she said coyly as her mouth softened into a smile

“I am starving. I haven’t eaten since last night and my baby is probably doing somersaults by now”. I patiently waited for her reaction.

“Baby!!! Oh my god, you’re pregnant?”

I nodded and before I could say anything else she grabbed me into a tight embrace.

“Of course I will get your poor starved baby food! Aunty won’t let you starve now”. She winked. Lex practically skipped out of the room. “I will be as quick as possible”.

I walked toward the large bay window which overlooked the meadow. It was beautiful. The tree branches swayed gently against the soft wind. The first indication of Autumn upon us, the beautiful amber shades of the fallen leaves. I wanted to enjoy this tranquil view and forget about today.

My thoughts were broken when I heard the door open. She was quick.

“You were quick, Lex”. I turned around.

My heart thumped vigorously. No. Not now. My body defied me, inexplicable turmoil poured through me. I could barely talk. My lips trembling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He tone was harsh and filled with anger.

“Tell you what Connor?” My heart sank; I knew what he was insinuating.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Please don’t do this Evie, not now”. I was about to speak when he continued. “He cheated on you?”

“Connor, he only did the same as what happened between us, I am the last person to judge on someone’s faithfulness”.

“He punched you”. He words were said bitterly harsh, not said as a question.

I flinched as his words floated around the room. The memory. The ear splitting thud of his fist against me jaw. The pain. “Connor don’t.”

He stepped towards me. My body betrayed me, wanting to feel his touch one last time. Our faces were just inches apart. I couldn’t help but look into his eyes, they held so much pain. His breath was so warm. “Don’t what? He punched you Evie, that is not what a man does to the woman he loves”.

A tear escaped and ran down my cheek. His thumb brushed it away. So gentle. Our eyes never parting. His face lowered, just inches from me. His breath against mine, so perfect. My heart melted as his lips pressed against mine. They felt as if they had been created just for me. So full and attentive.

“Don’t” I whispered, breaking the connection of our lips.

“You can’t marry him Evie, you’re better than this, you deserve the world and more. I want to give that to you. Let me… Please don’t do this.” His voice was sensually soft, he spoke as if it were a plea.

“You hardly know me Connor. You want me because I am the forbidden fruit. I am the chase that you want at the moment. Not the woman you want for your future”.

“Yes you are. I will protect you. I will take you way from him. He will never hurt you again”.

“I’m Sorry Connor, I have to do this”.

“I am not letting you marry him Evie, over my dead body”.

“Then you are no better than him.”

A knock at the door interrupted us. Greta stood in the doorway looking uncomfortable at the close proximity that Connor and I were standing in.

“We are ready for you Everline”.

“Thank you”.

As I went to step past Connor his arm reached out and took hold of my hand.

“You can’t do this Evie”.

“I’m pregnant”. I whispered.

His eyes glanced up at me. The shock on his face was confirmation enough that what Connor had seen in me was nothing more than a physical attraction. My heart yearned for him, but I could not be the woman Connor wanted. I was carrying a baby, another man’s baby. I had known all along what Connor wanted from me but the realisation of his reaction felt like a knife through my heart.

He dropped my hand and ran his fingers through his hair. I couldn’t speak. He may have wanted me, but he didn’t want a family. How could he? I had never expected that of him. I was utterly desolate. I had no capacity for any more emotional pain.

I stalked out of the room, knowing that Connor would not stop me now, this was it. Henry was my reality.

Lex stood in the great hall holding two beautiful bouquets. They were exquisitely filled with soft ivory roses, sweet peas and peonies.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t find anything to eat.” she whispered to me as we stood hand in hand. “The evil witch Greta confiscated the sausage rolls.”

The pianist began to play, allowing the sweet sound of music to fill the ceremony room. I inhaled deeply. Dragging air into my lungs. This was it. I slowly stepped into the ceremony room. It was filled with hundreds of people. Very few of whom I knew. Henry was standing at the altar, he looked handsome and charming in his dark slate grey suit. His eyes highlighted by the warm sage green cravat. I edged towards to alter, step by step. Trying not to stumble.

How I wish my mum was here.

“You’re not going to marry him Evie”

Synchronised gasps filled the room. I turned to see Connor standing behind me. His eyes bloodshot with rage.

“Connor go”, I said through clenched teeth. “Please don’t do this”.

“I’m not going anywhere Evie. I am doing this for you and the baby growing inside of you. You’re not going to be his punch bag anymore.”

Henry came stalking down the aisle towards us. His face was seething.

“You better fucking explain this now Evie,” he hissed.

“I, I, I”. Before I could speak the back of his hand collided with my still tenderly bruised jaw. I couldn’t react in time to stop myself as I twisted and fell against the floor. Connor was instantly by my side. In one swift movement he picked me up and placed me behind him. He raced towards Henry. Fists clenched.

“So you’ve been fucking him have you” Henry spat out. His eyes glaring at me.

Connor’s tone remained calm as he stood face to face with him. Henry was quite tall at 5ft11 but Connor consumed him standing at least two inches taller and far broader.

“She hasn’t been fucking me you ignorant prick.” Connors voice pauses as he looks directly into Henry’s eyes to speak again. “I am a friend who happens to appreciate every delicate bone in her body. I am the person who will break down walls with my bare hands to ensure she is protected. I am the man who one day wants to be something more to her than just a friend.” He looked at me as he said the last sentence, ensuring I would believe that every word was aimed directly at me. My mouth naturally parted rendering me speechless at Connor’s declaration.

Connor turned sharply back to Henry, as if he had realised his real motive for this conversation.

“I think perhaps you might want to explain to your family and friends who has actually been fucking around as you put it so eloquently.” Connor announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, please let me introduce you to the real Henry Webber. The man who enjoys beating his fiancée and sleeping around with other women. The man who has belittled and abused her so dramatically that she was still prepared to marry him out of fear.”

My skin shuddered at the term abused, I had never once thought of myself as that person.

“You wanker” Henry hissed. He raised his arm and hit Connor straight in the face. Connor was a brilliant fighter and had blocked far more discreet punches than the lame attempt Henry had laid on him. Connor barely moved at Henry’s attempt to hit him. I couldn’t understand. Connor wanted Henry to hit him first.