Stefan Golaszewski - Sex with a Stranger

They look at their drinks.

ADAM. Shall we?

GRACE. Yes!

Blackout.

ADAM waits outside the bathroom. GRACE washes her hands and her teeth and uses mouthwash.

Hold on this for a while – they do the things they would. His phone rings. He’s startled and silences it. He watches it flashing in silence.

She flushes and comes out, just as he puts his phone away. She sees. He knows she’s seen. She pretends she hasn’t.

GRACE. All right?

ADAM. Yeah. Yeah.

Blackout.

GRACE’s hallway. They don’t hold each other.

ADAM. Such a long hallway.

GRACE. Yes. It is isn’t it. I’ve often thought that.

ADAM. Very clean though.

GRACE. Thanks. We’ve got a cleaner. She’s so fucking expensive.

ADAM. Is she?

GRACE. Yeah.

A beat.

(At a wall.) That’s my flatmate. I think he worked in France for a bit. He’s night manager in the big Sainsbury’s.

ADAM. So is he at work?

GRACE. I don’t know.

ADAM. Can we find out?

GRACE. I dunno.

A beat.

I met him on the internet. He seems nice though.

ADAM. That’s nice.

A beat.

GRACE. Can you guess which bedroom’s mine?

ADAM (immediately). That one?

GRACE. Yeah.

She giggles.

Well here we are!

ADAM. Yes!

GRACE. I’ll just check if—

ADAM. Yeah. Cool.

GRACE. Cool.

Blackout.

ADAM waits on his own. His phone buzzes and he takes it out of his pocket and watches it flash in silence. He holds it and lets it ring off. He puts it in his pocket. He waits.

Blackout.

GRACE comes back on.

GRACE. All done!

ADAM. Great.

GRACE. The bed’s quite low so be careful of your shins.

ADAM. Yeah. Thanks.

GRACE. And I’ve found you a towel for the morning.

ADAM. Great.

GRACE. D’you have any plans for tomorrow?

ADAM. Oh. You know. Don’t know.

GRACE. Cool. Take it as it comes.

ADAM. Yeah.

GRACE. Cool.

She pecks him on the lips. A beat.

ADAM (through a smile). So shall I come in? Or are we gonna stand here all night?

GRACE (through a smile). Yeah.

Blackout.

ADAM’s sat in a concert hall, programme in hand, listening to a violin solo.

Blackout.

GRACE’s wedding day. She speaks through a microphone. The responses are pre-recorded and sound as if at a wedding – in a big tent, loads of people rustling, laughing, etc. She reads her speech from a piece of paper.

GRACE. It is no secret that I have always believed in love at first sight. I didn’t know if I would but I always held out hope that I’d meet the man of my dreams and fall head over heels in love. (Clears her throat.) As a lot of you will know, I kissed many a frog before I found my Prince Charming. But when I met Paul I knew that it was worth the wait. Not only is he a very successful and intelligent man, and a true Christian, but he has also has a great sense of humour and we have an amazing time together. (Looks up to the audience.) He is the night sky that lets my star shine. (Turning to him, reading again.) Paul, I want to tell you that – I want to tell you that my heart will always be yours. May our hearts live on for the rest of our days – and beyond – intertwined and warm with the glow of our everlasting love. I will always be by your side.

The crowd ‘aaaaaah’s.

I would like to propose a toast – so if everyone (Very slightly garbled.) would be upstanding and charge their glasses—

The sound of everyone standing up.

To my love, my companion and my husband, Paul.

EVERYONE (voice-over). To Paul!

Blackout.

GRACE’s bedroom. ADAM and GRACE snog, cold, hard. He goes to take her top off. It’s difficult. She’s letting him but not making it easy for him. Eventually she pulls back.

GRACE. Sorry. D’you mind if we turn the light off?

ADAM. No. No.

Going to do so—

GRACE (as if she’s being funny). Thanks. Sorry. I’m a bit of a light-phobic when it comes to these night-time… things…

ADAM. Or we could have the lamp on?

She stops.

GRACE. Erm… Okay. (Laughs.) Yeah. Why not?

She turns the light off. The stage is in darkness. She crosses the room in darkness—

(Walking into something.) Ow. Fuck.

– and turns the lamp on. The room is dimly lit now. GRACE is rubbing her shin.

ADAM. Is that okay?

GRACE. You don’t want to turn it off?

ADAM. Erm. I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt my shin as well!

GRACE. It hurts.

She rubs it. Awkward. Still smirking, he goes over to her.

ADAM. Come here…

He kisses her briefly.

It doesn’t hurt.

They kiss, cold. He goes to remove her top again. Again she lets him but doesn’t help him. He manages to remove it. Her bra is dowdy, basic, unsexy. She pulls back.

GRACE (as if it’s funny). Sorry. I don’t want to go on like an idiot but I don’t feel comfortable with it so I’m gonna put the light on in the hallway and then we can turn the lamp off and the lights will still come in under the door. So it’s the best of both worlds and everybody has their fair share. Okay?

Nothing. He just kisses her breasts and tries unsuccessfully to undo her bra.

Adam.

ADAM (not aggressively, quietly as he kisses her breasts). Stop going on about the light and help me get your fucking bra off.

A beat. Ambiguity in GRACE’s response.

Blackout. Silence.

End of Act One.

RUTH and ADAM’s living room. RUTH comes in with two cups of tea. ADAM sits onstage, in clothes different from (looser, less impressive than) those in the first act. He no longer has gel in his hair. He coughs over her first line.

RUTH. Chloe showed me her wedding dress.

ADAM. Sorry. I couldn’t hear you.

RUTH. Chloe showed me her wedding dress.

ADAM. Oh God.

She hands him the mug.

RUTH. Careful. It’s hot. No it was nice actually.

ADAM (taking the mug). Thanks.

RUTH. It’s white.

ADAM. Like she should be wearing a white dress!

RUTH. Yeah! And it’s one of those ones that covers her boobs—

ADAM. She hasn’t got any.

RUTH (laughing). Adam!

She spills a bit of tea.

Shit.

Blackout.

He’s still on the couch. She’s on her hands and knees, scrubbing where she spilt the tea. He drinks from a cup of tea. Hers sits on the floor.

RUTH. So it’s like it covers them so it looks like she’s got them but we don’t have to see them – as if we could! – and there’s these big roses on it—

ADAM. Oh no…

RUTH. Yeah. I mean it’s quite nice – for her – but—

ADAM. It’s so typical.

RUTH. Oh yeah.

ADAM. And fucking roses…

RUTH. Yeah. She’s always liked roses. Unfortunately. And she’s having this garland – she showed me the designs on the internet – like a garland for her hair with roses in it.

ADAM. What is it with roses?

RUTH. Yeah. I know! Weird. It’s pretty though. It’ll look pretty on her—

ADAM. But—

RUTH. – but – yes – stop with the roses, Chloe!

She laughs.

ADAM. What is wrong with her?!

RUTH. I know…

ADAM. All this fuss!

RUTH. I know…

ADAM. It’s just a wedding!

She laughs for him. A beat. As she finishes scrubbing—

RUTH. It’s okay though because we’re going to be wearing these lemon dresses – they’re a bit like my maxi dress – the one with the animals on it – but they’re lemon – and they won’t have any roses on them so I think it won’t be too bad at all really.

Silence. She sits next to him.

What time are you going out?

ADAM. I’m meeting them at seven.

She looks at her phone and puts it down again.

Blackout.

Empty stage.

ADAM (offstage right). What shall we have for lunch?

A beat. RUTH comes on from stage left and crosses the stage to stage right.

RUTH. Did you call me?

ADAM (offstage). What shall we have for lunch?

RUTH. Erm. I don’t know. We’ve got ham.

ADAM (offstage). Yeah.

RUTH. And there’s bread.

He doesn’t respond.

We could use some of my cheese slices and do toasted sandwiches.

ADAM (offstage). What about a salad?

RUTH. Yep.

ADAM (offstage). We could get lettuce and stuff.

RUTH. Shall we talk about it when you’re finished?

ADAM (offstage). Someone was saying if you avoid mixing carbs and proteins you lose weight quicker.

RUTH. Who was saying that?

ADAM (offstage). I dunno.

RUTH. You don’t need to lose weight.

No response.

Well it’s always good to be healthy.

No response.

I mean, I could probably do with shedding a few pounds myself.

No response.

My trousers were really tight this morning.

No response.

Yeah. Chloe goes to the gym at lunchtimes.

A beat as she waits for a reply.

Blackout.

They’re looking round a supermarket. She has a shopping basket with just salad cream in it. He holds a bag of chopped leaves.

RUTH. Or an iceberg?

ADAM. It’s Italian. And it’s already chopped. Save you chopping it.

RUTH. Yeah.

He puts it in their basket. They browse.

ADAM. What else d’you put in a salad?

RUTH. Avocado?

They browse. Silence.

Dressing?

ADAM (negative). Mm.

RUTH. Are you all right?

ADAM. Yeah. I’m fine.

RUTH. Is there anything I can do?

ADAM. No I’m fine.

They browse in silence.

RUTH. Oo. Yeah. I might get a can of Coke.

ADAM. It’s full of sugar.

RUTH. I don’t like Diet, do I.

ADAM. Coke Zero?

RUTH. Yeah.

She doesn’t get one. They browse in silence.

I saw a man the other day who looked like Robert.

Cucumber?

Blackout.

In the queue for the till.

RUTH (whispering). ‘Six items’ means six items. That’s so annoying though isn’t it. Look at her. It just holds everyone up. It’s really selfish though isn’t it?

ADAM. Yeah.

A beat.

RUTH. If it said ‘baskets only’ I’d understand. But look at her. It’s disgusting. What does she think she looks like?

ADAM. Mm.

A beat.

RUTH. It says ‘six items only’. I can’t believe she’s even being served. D’you know what I mean? I can’t believe they’re serving her. It’s ridiculous.

Silence. They queue.

ADAM. Maybe the peppers count as one.

Silence. They queue.

Blackout.

The streets. They’re walking with groceries. They both have a bag in each hand. On the first line, ADAM stops RUTH at a crossing from being run over. She smiles a thank you to him.

RUTH. I said what you said to say about Dan Fisher.

ADAM. Oh good.

RUTH. I said it in the group meeting while he was on reception – and I was cool and I didn’t get annoyed – I just said it like you said to say it.

ADAM. Good.

RUTH. Yeah. It was actually.

She goes to speak and a police siren approaches, passes, then departs. It’s too noisy to speak so they stand in silence, her looking to him and smiling. He smiles thinly back. When it’s passed, she speaks on. They remain stood still.