Sorry!

ADAM. No! No! I am a lucky wotsit. We get a fresh turkey at Christmas.

RUTH. Oo. Lovely.

ADAM. And anyway he got these olives – straight from Italy – little shrivelled black ones. Very delicate texture.

RUTH. Oo. Lovely. They sound lovely.

ADAM. They really were.

RUTH. Do you prefer them stuffed or unstuffed?

ADAM. Oo. I don’t know.

RUTH. I like the green ones stuffed with feta.

ADAM. Yes! I love those ones!

RUTH. I could eat about a million of them.

ADAM. I do like them stuffed, actually. You’re right. But you’ve got to make sure it’s feta in there and not just some cheap cheese.

RUTH. Yeah. My mum gets them at the deli in Sainsbury’s.

ADAM. Oh. Lovely.

RUTH. Yeah. She got a big pot of them for my dad at Christmas.

ADAM. That’s really nice. Wow! She sounds like a great mum!

RUTH. She is.

A beat.

ADAM. But just to finish my anecdote—

RUTH. Yes! Of course. Sorry! Blabbering on!

ADAM. He got us these olives and they were just completely moreish. So moreish. Really delicious.

RUTH. Mmm. Lovely.

ADAM. Yeah.

A beat of silence.

I’m sure these olives will be delicious as well.

RUTH. Yes! Definitely.

ADAM. If they ever do their jobs and get us a bloody table!

RUTH. Ha!

A long silence, awkward on the sofas.

So what do your parents do for a living?

Blackout.


RUTH and ADAM’s flat.

ADAM (shouting). I wasn’t fucking looking at her!

RUTH (sitting with her feet on the sofa). Now who’s swearing?!

ADAM. Take your shoes off.

She tuts and moves her feet off the sofa.

(Calmer.) Okay. Listen to me. Ruth. Stop being a fucking idiot and just listen to me—

RUTH (starting to cry). Adam!

ADAM. – and listen to what I’m saying. I looked in her direction. I’m not saying that in the course of the entire evening I didn’t look once in her direction. Of course I fucking did! You don’t expect me to just ignore our friend for the entire fucking evening just in case you decide I’m looking at her! That’s rude! You want me to be rude to our friends now?

RUTH. I want you to not stare at her—

ADAM (exploding again). I wasn’t staring, you fucking prick!

RUTH (exploding too, crying). To not stare at her when you’re supposed to fancy me!

ADAM. Of course I fancy you!

RUTH. Oh yeah! It’s wild!

ADAM. Shut up!

RUTH. It’s wild! You’re always ripping my clothes off!

ADAM (turning on her). You shut your fat fucking mouth!

Blackout.


Pub. She cries silently in her hands. His anger is barely containable. He speaks quietly. He has a mouthful of beer left in his pint glass.

ADAM. Stop. Crying.

She cries silently in her hands.

Stop. Fucking. Crying. People are looking.

She cries silently in her hands.

Finish that and we’ll go. This is fucking ridiculous.

She cries silently in her hands. He finishes his pint.

It’s not my fault you can’t handle your fucking drink.

Blackout.


RUTH and ADAM’s living room. They watch a DVD. Hold on this. TV audio plays – Mad Men, Series Three.

RUTH. So are you going for a drink first?

ADAM (annoyed). Ruth…

He pauses it. TV audio stops.

What?

RUTH. Are you going for a drink? Before the club?

ADAM. Yeah. I think so.

RUTH. Cool. That’ll be nice.

A beat.

Where you gonna go?

ADAM. I don’t know.

He goes to un-pause the DVD and she interrupts.

RUTH. Because if you’re somewhere local maybe I should—

ADAM. It’ll be in town.

RUTH. Okay.

ADAM. Sorry.

RUTH. No.

He smiles and un-pauses it. TV audio.

I just thought it might be nice of me to say happy birthday to Robert.

ADAM. Well you’ve got your concert tomorrow haven’t you.

RUTH. Yeah.

He gestures for her to watch the TV. They do. She snuggles up to him. They sit there watching it. She kisses his cheek. He just looks straight ahead. Hold on this, the sound of the TV the only sound, her hand on his chest.

Blackout.


GRACE sits on stage in pyjamas, wearing her glasses. She’s just straightened her hair with her GHDs. Her make-up is on. Inspirational, light, happy, contemporary music plays that she doesn’t react to in any way as she turns her hair into the style it was in Act One. When this is done, she removes her glasses and checks herself, close to the mirror.

Blackout.


RUTH and ADAM’s bathroom. ADAM puts deodorant on, his jeans on but shirtless. RUTH appears with the perfectly ironed shirt.

ADAM. Thank you.

RUTH. That’s okay.

ADAM. Sorry if I sounded angry.

RUTH. No. You didn’t.

ADAM. You know what I’m like when I’m late.

RUTH. Don’t worry. I know.

She smiles. He smiles.

You smell nice.

ADAM. Thanks. Yeah. It’s Lynx. Africa.

RUTH. Lovely. When did you get that?

ADAM. Erm. Dunno. During the week?

RUTH. You should’ve said. I’d’ve got that instead of the Nivea.

ADAM. It’s all right.

A beat. She removes a label from the back of the jeans.

Thanks.

He goes to put his shirt on.

RUTH. Are you gonna shave?

He stops putting his shirt on.

ADAM. I wasn’t going to.

RUTH. Okay. Cool.

ADAM. I thought I’d give myself a night off.

A beat as she looks at him.

What?

RUTH. I dunno. I quite like it when you shave—

ADAM. It’s not permanent.

RUTH. No I know.

ADAM. I just can’t be bothered.

RUTH. I just like it how it normally is. That’s all. But I also like it like that so it’s cool.

A beat.

Well anyway. It’s good to have a change isn’t it?

ADAM. Yeah.

RUTH. I might put some highlights in my hair.

No response. He puts the shirt on, doing up the buttons in silence. She watches him. When they’re all done up—

ADAM (scratching his hand). What d’you think?

RUTH. It’s a nice fit.

ADAM. D’you think?

RUTH. Yeah. It’s lovely. (With no gap.) Who else is gonna be there?

ADAM. What d’you mean?

RUTH. Who else is gonna be there?

ADAM. Tonight?

RUTH. Yeah.

ADAM. Oo. I don’t know. Erm. Me, Robert, probably Robert’s brothers, erm – (Quickly.) John, Dave, Mike and Alex – (Normally.) I guess some of the twats from the council. Dunno.

RUTH. That’ll be nice.

ADAM. Yeah.

RUTH. Very nice.

A beat.

And what’s Katie doing tonight?

ADAM. I dunno.

RUTH. Weird. You’d think she’d go out for her boyfriend’s birthday.

ADAM. Yeah. It’s a lads’ thing though isn’t it.

RUTH. They’re such a weird couple.

ADAM. I know…

RUTH. What about Debbie? I hope Dave’s not dragging her out clubbing in her condition.

ADAM. Of course he won’t. She won’t be there. It’s a lads’ thing.

RUTH. So none of the girls are going?

ADAM (a big laugh). Well I can’t promise you we won’t go to a pub with women in it!

RUTH. No but I don’t mean that do I. I know they’re a weird couple but it just seems really weird Robert wouldn’t invite Katie and her lot.

He starts to leave.

ADAM. I think they did a thing on Wednesday.

RUTH. It just seems weird though doesn’t it.

ADAM (offstage). It’s not weird.

RUTH. Well it is a bit weird.

He pokes his head onstage—

ADAM. It’s not weird.

– and leaves again.

RUTH. Imagine if you didn’t invite me out for your birthday. Everyone would think it was weird.

ADAM (offstage). It’s not his birthday. (Coming back on with the jumper GRACE was wearing earlier.) His birthday was on Wednesday.

Blackout.


ADAM sits on the sofa putting his shoes on. RUTH sits beside him in silence, watching. He puts one shoe on and ties the laces. Then—

ADAM. Have you got any chewing gum?

RUTH. Yeah. In my bag.

ADAM. The brown one?

RUTH. Yeah.

He puts the other shoe on and ties the laces. She sits there in silence, watching.

Blackout.


RUTH and ADAM’s living room. RUTH stands there. ADAM’s offstage.

RUTH. I’m gonna be so nervous tonight. God… I’ll just be sitting here thinking of my solo all night. Because if I muck this up you know he’ll never trust me with a solo again. That’s what happened to Soph.

ADAM (offstage). You’ll be fine.

RUTH. I hope so. (As if it’s funny.) I’ll probably drive myself crazy thinking about it. You’ll come back later and find me sat here like a gibbering wreck!

ADAM (offstage). Don’t be silly. Get a good night’s sleep tonight and you’ll wow them all tomorrow.

RUTH. If I can sleep!

ADAM (offstage). Take a Nytol.

RUTH. Yeah.

He comes on. His hair is gelled as in Act One. She’s visibly surprised.

ADAM. What?

RUTH (smiles). Nice.

ADAM. Thanks.

He starts putting the jumper on, careful of his hair. She considers saying something. She says something else.

RUTH. What sort of time d’you think you’ll be back? I don’t mean it like that but—

ADAM. I don’t know really. Could be late.

RUTH. Will you text me when you’re on your way?

ADAM. Yeah. Of course. Don’t wait up though. I don’t want to disturb your violin sleep.

RUTH (laughs). No. Thank you.

He smiles at her and leaves the stage. During the following, we see RUTH disintegrate.

ADAM (offstage). D’you know what? Thinking about it, I might even just crash at Robert’s or something. I’ll have to see how it goes. They were talking about everyone crashing at his tonight. Because it’ll be late and I don’t want to get a night bus because they can be really dangerous can’t they and I don’t want to disturb you. So actually, thinking about it, we’ll probably all just crash at his.

RUTH (trying to sound normal). Okay. Cool. Or you could get a cab?

ADAM (offstage). Expensive.

He comes back onstage. RUTH’s face picks up again.

RUTH. When you’ve made your millions from your website, you’ll be getting cabs everywhere…!

He just smiles at her.

ADAM. Is that okay then? If I crash at Robert’s.

RUTH. Yeah. Of course. Do what you want.

ADAM. Have you seen my keys?

She leaves the stage. He puts chewing gum in his mouth. She comes back on with his keys.

Thanks.

A beat – he looks at his phone.

I’d better be off.

RUTH. You’ll be back for the concert though won’t you?

ADAM. Of course I will! Blimey. As if I’d miss that!

RUTH. I’m so nervous.

ADAM. You’ll be fine. You never stop practising that thing.

Blackout.


RUTH and ADAM’s living room. ADAM’s ready to go out. RUTH stands there.

RUTH. Are you sure? You’ve only had a salad.

ADAM. I’ll be fine.

RUTH. Sorry.

ADAM. Don’t worry.

RUTH. The pie’s looking nice.

ADAM. Honestly.

RUTH. You’ll need to line your stomach.

ADAM. I’ll be fine.

RUTH. Cool. Cool

She watches him get ready, scratching her hand.

Maybe tomorrow, after the concert, we should go to bed early. Get an early night.

ADAM. Sounds good.

RUTH. Take our time over it.

ADAM. Yeah. Cool.