Sophie Kinsella - Shopaholic and sister

Saturday, 7 June 2003

FEARS FOR

MISSING GIRL

Fears were growing last night for the safety of Maida Vale resident Rebecca Brandon, 27. Mrs Brandon (née Bloomwood) disappeared on Thursday from the luxury flat she shares with husband Luke Brandon and has not been seen or heard from since. The alarm was raised by Mrs Brandon’s friend Susan Cleath-Stuart, who arrived in London for a surprise visit.

SHOPPING

CCTV footage shows Mrs Brandon in local shop Anna’s Delicatessen, shortly before her disappearance, apparently agitated. “She just dropped her shopping and left,” said shop assistant Marie Fuller. “She didn’t buy anything.”

CHAOS

There were scenes of chaos aboard the Mind Body Spirit cruise ship currently touring the Mediterranean as Mrs Brandon’s parents, Graham and Jane Bloomwood, insisted the boat be turned around. “You can stuff bloody tranquility!” a hysterical Mrs Bloomwood was reported as shouting. “My daughter’s missing!”

STORMS

Meanwhile, storms have prevented Mrs Brandon’s husband, Luke Brandon, from leaving Cyprus, where he has been working. He was said yesterday to be “desperately worried” and in close contact with police. His business associate, Nathan Temple, has issued a reward for information leading to the recovery of Mrs Brandon. He commented yesterday, “If anyone harms a hair of that young lady’s head I will personally break all their bones. Twice.” Mr Temple was convicted in 1984 for grievous bodily harm.

OW.

Ouuuch.

God, my head is in agony. Oww. And my ankle’s throbbing, and I feel like I might be sick any moment, and something sharp is pressing into my shoulder… Where am I, anyway? Why do I feel so weird?

With a huge struggle I manage to open my eyes and get a flash of blue before they close again. Hmm. Blue. Makes no sense. Maybe I’ll go to sleep.

“Becky? Beckeee!” A voice is calling me from a huge distance. “Wake up!”

I force my eyes open again and find myself looking at a face. A blurred face against a blue background.

Jess.

Blimey, it’s Jess. And she’s all anxious-looking. Maybe she lost something. A rock. That must be it.

“Can you see me?” she says urgently. “Can you count my fingers?”

She thrusts her hand in front of me and I peer at it woozily. Boy, that girl needs a manicure.

“How many fingers?” she keeps saying. “Can you see? Can you hear me?”

Oh, right. Yes.

“Er… three?”

Jess stares at me for a moment, then sinks back on her knees and buries her head in her hands. “Thank God. Thank God.”

She’s shaking. Why on earth is she shaking?

And then, like a tidal wave, it all comes back to me. The walk. The storm. Falling. Crashing down the mountainside. Quickly I try to block it out of my mind, but to my astonishment, tears start to seep out the sides of my eyes and drip down into my ears.

OK. Stop it. I’m safe now. I’m on the ground. I… think. To be honest, I can’t quite work out where I am. I peer at the bright blue background, but it still makes zero sense. I’d say heaven — except Jess didn’t fall too, did she?

“Where am I?” I manage, and Jess raises her head. She still looks white and shaken.

“My tent,” she says. “I always carry a tent in my backpack. I didn’t dare move you, so I put it up around you.”

A tent! Now, that is just so clever. Why don’t I take a tent everywhere? I’ll start tomorrow. Yes. A little tiny tent that I could keep in my handbag.

The only thing is, it’s a bit uncomfortable here on the ground. Maybe I’ll get up and stretch my legs. I try to rise, and everything goes black and swirly.

“Oh God,” I say feebly, and sink back down again.

“Don’t try to get up!” Jess says in alarm. “You had a terrible fall. I thought…” She breaks off and exhales sharply. “Anyway, don’t get up.”

Gradually I’m becoming aware of the rest of my body. My hands are all raw and scraped. With a huge effort I raise my head and glimpse my legs, all bloody with cuts. I can feel a bruise on my cheek, and I lift my hand to it.

“Ow! Is my face bleeding?”

“You’re a mess,” Jess says bluntly. “Does anything hurt really badly?”

“My ankle. The left one. It’s agony.”

Jess starts prodding it and I bite my lip, trying not to cry out.

“I think it’s sprained,” she says at last. “I’ll strap you up.” She switches on a torch and fastens it to a steel pole, then reaches into a tiny tin. She produces a length of bandage-type stuff and starts winding it expertly round my ankle. “Becky, what the hell were you doing up there, anyway?”

“I… I came to find you.” Bits of the jigsaw are reappearing in my brain. “I was doing the sponsored endurance hike.”

Jess looks gobsmacked.

“But this wasn’t the hike route! I went off the trail. The hike route was much lower. Didn’t you follow the markers?”

“Markers?” I look at her blankly.

“God, you have no bloody idea about hiking, do you?” she says in agitation. “You shouldn’t have been up there! It’s dangerous!”

“So why were you there?” I retort, wincing as she bandages me more and more tightly. “What you were doing looked pretty dangerous to me.”

Jess’s face closes up.

Eventually she says, “Last time I climbed the Pike I saw some ammonite specimens. I wanted to collect one. It’s a bit foolhardy, but I don’t expect you to understand—”

“No! I do understand!” I interrupt, and struggle onto my elbows. I have to tell her.

“Jess, I understand. I’ve seen your rocks. They’re fantastic. They’re beautiful.”

“Lie down,” she says, looking worried. “Take it easy.”

“I don’t want to take it easy! Jess, listen. We’re sisters. We’re honestly and truly sisters. That’s why I came up the mountain. I had to tell you.”

Jess frowns. “Becky, you’ve had a bump on the head… you’ve probably got a concussion—”

“It’s not that!” The louder my voice rises the more my head throbs, but I can’t stop myself. “I know we have the same blood. I know it! I went to your house.”

“You what?” Jess looks appalled. “Who let you in?”

“Jim. I saw your rock cupboard. It’s identical to my shoe cupboard in London. Identical. The lights… the shelves… everything!”

For the first time ever, I see Jess’s composure slip a little.

“So what?” she says in brusque tones.

“So we’re the same!” I sit up eagerly, ignoring the swirling in front of my eyes. “Jess, you know the way you feel about a really amazing rock? That’s the way I feel about a great pair of shoes! Or a dress. I have to have it. Nothing else matters. And I know you feel the same way about your rock collection.”

“I don’t,” she says, turning away.

“You do! I know you do!” I clutch her arm. “You’re just as obsessed as me! You just hide it better! Oh God, my head. Ow.”

I collapse back down, my head pounding.

“I’ll get you a painkiller,” Jess says distractedly — but she doesn’t move. She’s just standing there, lost in her own thoughts.

I can see I’ve got to her.

“You came up a mountain in a storm just to tell me this?” Jess says at last.

“Yes! Of course!”

She turns her head to look at me. Her face is paler than ever and kind of wary, as though someone’s trying to trick her.

“Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because… because it’s important! It matters to me!”

“No one’s ever done anything like that for me before,” she says, and immediately looks away, fiddling in the tin again. “Those cuts need antiseptic on them.”

She starts dabbing my legs with a cotton-wool pad, and I try not to flinch as the antiseptic stings my raw flesh.

“So… do you believe me?” I say. “Do you believe we’re sisters?”

For a few moments Jess just focuses on her feet, which are encased in thick socks and brown hiking boots. She raises her head and surveys my turquoise diamanté kitten heels, all scraped and covered in mud. My Marc Jacobs skirt. My ruined glittery T-shirt. Then she lifts her eyes to my bruised, battered face, and we just look at each other.

“Yes,” she says at last. “I believe you.”

Three extra-strong painkillers later, and I’m really feeling quite a lot better. In fact, I can’t stop gabbling.

“I knew we were sisters,” I’m saying, as Jess puts a plaster on my gashed knee. “I knew it! I think I’m a bit psychic, actually. I felt your presence on the mountain.”

“Mmm,” says Jess, rolling her eyes.

“And the other thing is, I’m getting quite similar to you. Like I was thinking I might crop my hair short. It would really suit me. And I’ve started taking a real interest in rocks—”

“Becky,” interrupts Jess. “We don’t have to be the same.”

“What?” I look at her uncertainly. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe we’re sisters.” She sits back on her heels. “But that doesn’t mean we both have to have cropped hair. Or like rocks.” She reaches for another plaster and rips it open.

“Or potatoes,” I add before I can stop myself.

“Or potatoes,” agrees Jess. She pauses. “Or… overpriced designer lipsticks that go out of fashion in three weeks.”

There’s a little glint in her eyes as she looks at me, and I gape in astonishment. Jess is teasing me?

“I suppose you’re right,” I say, trying to stay nonchalant. “Just because we’re biologically related, it doesn’t mean we both have to like boring workouts with water bottles instead of cool weights.”

“Exactly. Or… mindless magazines full of ridiculous ads.”

“Or drinking coffee out of a horrible old flask.”

Jess’s mouth is twitching.

“Or stupid rip-off cappuccinos.”

There’s a clap of thunder, and we both jump in fright. Rain is beating on the tent like drumsticks. Jess puts a final plaster on my legs and shuts the little tin.

“I don’t suppose you brought anything to eat?” she says.

“Er… no.”

“I’ve got some, but it isn’t much.” Her brow wrinkles. “Not if we’re stuck here for hours. We won’t be able to move, even when the storm’s died down.”

“Can’t you forage on the mountainside for roots and berries?” I say hopefully.

Jess gives me a look.

“Becky, I’m not Tarzan.” She hunches her shoulders and wraps her arms round her legs. “We’ll just have to sit it out.”

“So… you don’t take a mobile when you go climbing?” I venture.

“I don’t have one. I don’t usually need one.”

“I suppose you don’t usually have a stupid injured sister with you.”

“Not normally, no.” She shifts on the groundsheet and reaches behind her. “I picked up some of your stuff, by the way. It got scattered when you fell.”

“Thank you,” I say, taking the handful of things from her. A mini hairspray. My manicure set. A compact.

“I couldn’t find your bag, I’m afraid,” adds Jess. “God knows where it went.”

My heart stops.

My Angel bag.

My two-thousand-euro movie-star bag. The bag that everyone in the world is clamoring for. After all that, it’s gone. Lost on a mountain in the middle of nowhere.

“It — it doesn’t matter.” Somehow I force myself to smile. “These things happen.”

With sore, stiff fingers I open my compact — and amazingly, the mirror’s still intact. Cautiously I take a look at myself and recoil. I look like a beaten-up scarecrow. My hair is everywhere, and both my cheeks are grazed, and there’s a huge lump on my forehead.

“What are we going to do?” I snap the compact shut.

“We’ll have to stay here until the storm dies down,” says Jess.

“Yes, but I mean… what shall we do? While we wait in the tent.”

Jess’s expression is unreadable.

“I thought we could watch When Harry Met Sally and eat popcorn,” she says.

I can’t help giggling. Jess does actually have a sense of humor. Underneath it all.

“Shall I do your nails?” I suggest. “I’ve got my stuff here.”

“Do my nails?” says Jess. “Becky… you realize we’re on a mountain.”

“Yes!” I say eagerly. “That’s the whole point! It’s extra-tough lacquer that lasts whatever you do. Look at this!” I show her the bottle of nail polish. “The model’s actually climbing a mountain in the picture.”

“Unbelievable,” says Jess, taking the bottle from me and peering at it. “And people fall for this?”

“Come on! What else are we going to do?” I pause innocently. “I mean, it’s not like we’ve got anything fun to do, like our accounts… ”