It wasn’t until he had hit the London social scene as a rakehell, fresh from the innocence of Eton, that Richard had realized how unusual it was, that sort of connection his parents enjoyed. Until then, he had naïvely assumed that all married couples were like that, holding hands under the breakfast table and kissing in corridors. But then he saw married men in brothels, received scented solicitations from married women, and watched marriages contracted with no more feeling on either side than . . . well, no feeling at all. In all of his meanderings from ballroom to ballroom, Richard had seen perhaps one couple in ten who shared some sort of affection, one couple in a hundred truly in love. And he had realized, for the first time, that what his parents had was something wonderful and rare, and that he himself could never stoop to settle for anything less.
And Amy had seen that, too, and had been forced to see it wrenched away.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly.
“Why should you be? You didn’t wield the ax.”
“If I had known, I wouldn’t have baited you so. I didn’t realize you had a personal interest.”
Amy looked up at him in confusion, wondering at the sudden change in his demeanor. The moon had gone behind a cloud, leaving his face in shadow, no glimmer of light to reveal whether he spoke sincerely. If only the clouds would part and she could see—she wasn’t sure what she hoped to see. Something that would tell her whether he was honest or a thorough blackguard.
“I am truly sorry,” he said again, and with his deep voice vibrating through her ears, Amy knew, just knew, he was sincere, the same way she knew that Jane was good, and that sheep were vile, and that she was going to find the Purple Gentian.
And somehow it seemed the most natural thing in the world that he would take her free hand in his own, and even more natural that he was leaning towards her and she towards him. Their joined hands formed a bridge across the sliver of deck she had laughingly called their Channel. Amy couldn’t tell if he were pulling or she was; there no longer seemed to be a place where her arms ended and his began. And what did it matter if there were? Amy closed her eyes, and felt his warm breath on her lips.
Chapter Seven
Crack!
The piece of railing Amy had been leaning upon earlier detached itself from the deck and tumbled into the water. Suddenly, Amy’s hands were her own again. Blinking dazedly as she opened her eyes, she saw that their own personal Channel was back in place between them and that Richard had his own hands planted firmly on the deck on either side of him. It was enough to make her think she had imagined those past few moments, if she still hadn’t been able to feel the tingliness left by Richard’s breath on her lips.
“The captain should see to getting that repaired,” Richard commented, his voice the slightest touch unsteady. “I’ll say something to him in the morning.”
Amy nodded. For once in her life—and such occasions were rare indeed—she couldn’t think of anything to say. “Excuse me, were you about to kiss me?” didn’t seem at all a proper thing for a young lady to ask, even a young lady who had been so unladylike as to sit unchaperoned with a man on the deck of a boat at midnight. Besides, what if he said no? Drat that railing!
Amy bit down on her lower lip, utterly at sea. Plans, plans . . . when was she ever without a plan? True, it was terribly hard to plan when one wasn’t at all sure what one wanted. Did she want him to kiss her? Or just to admit that he had intended to kiss her? And why did it matter if he had? Oh, heavens! Amy squirmed on the hard deck. Planning the restoration of the monarchy was so much easier than dealing with the aftermath of an almost kiss!
And really, Amy reminded herself, she should be concentrating entirely on her plans to find the Purple Gentian and restore the monarchy, not agonizing over a man of dubious morals. Even if that man did have cheekbones to make a sculptor weep, and the most intriguing play of muscles along his back . . . Amy went back to gnawing her lower lip.
Richard leaned back on his hands, letting the rough wood against his palms drag him back to his senses. Kissing Amy. Bad idea. What the devil had he been thinking? He hadn’t been thinking at all; that was the problem. At least, he hadn’t been thinking with any part of him that worked in a logical manner. Logic. Richard scraped his hands against the splintery deck and tried to approach the situation logically. Logically, kissing Amy was a terrible idea. He repeated that to himself a couple of times. After all, if he’d kissed Amy, he would have some sort of obligation to her, and that would mean spending time with her once they both got to France.
Of course, he really wouldn’t mind spending time with her. . . . Richard squashed that thought posthaste. No matter how much he might enjoy spending time with Amy, he couldn’t. He just didn’t have the time to spend. Not if he wanted to discover Bonaparte’s invasion plans before French troops set foot on English soil. Nobody knew better than Richard how quickly Bonaparte could move (except, perhaps, the Italians, and the Austrians, and the Dutch), and as for Amy . . . Richard sensed that she could be a rather massive distraction.
But if he didn’t kiss her, he wouldn’t be obligated to her, and therefore she wouldn’t distract him. It all made perfect sense. Logically.
Richard glanced at Amy, sitting uncharacteristically silent beside him. She had drawn her knees back up to her chest, and she was staring straight out over the dark waters, biting her lip. It was too dark to discern the color of her lips, but Richard remembered them well, a surprisingly deep pink against her pale skin, soft, inviting. He remembered watching the way her lips moved as she talked, as she smiled. Biting them was probably making them red and swollen, just as his kisses would. Logic, logic, logic, Richard reminded himself, tilting his head back and staring at the sky. When he looked back, Amy was still biting her lip.
Richard hastily looked away again.
“What is your brother’s name?” Richard asked, just to ask something. She couldn’t bite her lip and talk at the same time, could she?
“Edouard,” Amy replied absently. “He’s several years older than me.”
“Edouard.” Richard sat upright so hastily that his head swam. “Not Edouard de Balcourt?”
“Yes! Do you know—”
“Edouard de Balcourt is your brother?”
“You do know him, then?” Amy asked eagerly.
“We know each other slightly,” Richard replied cautiously. That was true as far as it went; Richard had done his very best to keep the acquaintance slight.
“Would you tell me about him? Please? Whatever you know. I haven’t seen him since I was five. He doesn’t write much,” she confessed. Knowing Balcourt, Richard could well believe it. “I suppose he’s afraid any letters to England would be searched. What can you tell me about him?”
“Um . . .” Richard drummed his fingers against the deck. From the glowing expression on Amy’s face, it was clear that she cherished high hopes of her brother. Blast it all, why should he have to be the one to tell her that her brother was one of the laughingstocks of Bonaparte’s court? Edouard de Balcourt was a fop, a toady, a man without taste, morals, or scruple. And that was putting it in the most generous way possible.
How could Balcourt be Amy’s brother? Perhaps he was a changeling? One of them had to be.
Amy tapped her foot impatiently. “So?” she prompted.
“He doesn’t look like you.” It was the only harmless thing Richard could think of to say.
“We did a bit when we were younger,” reflected Amy. She smiled wistfully. “Mama always used to say it wasn’t fair that we both took after Papa’s side of the family. Mama’s family was all tall and fair and stately, like Jane, but Edouard and I were both small and dark. Papa was tall, though. When he lifted me onto his shoulders, I thought I could touch the stars.”
For a moment, Amy lost herself in the memory of bouncing on Papa’s shoulders, grabbing for stars. He had even given her a tiny little diamond bracelet—a string of stars, he had sworn, gathered while she was asleep in the nursery.
“He promised, when I was older, that he would lift me into the night sky so that I could string myself a necklace. A necklace of stars.” Amy blinked back tears and stared longingly into the sky.
There were no stars tonight.
But there was one very silent man beside her, watching her closely, and Amy plummeted abruptly into the present, like Icarus falling from the sky, shaken and a little abashed.
What had possessed her to reveal so much? Her memories of Mama and Papa were her own, her treasured cache, more precious than any number of necklaces of stars. She spoke of them to no one, not even to Jane, who was the sister of her heart, her one confidante, and the person who knew her better than anyone in the world. Yet it had been so easy to speak of them to Lord Richard. Obviously, her wits had been addled by the almost kiss and the moonlight. People did silly things by moonlight. It didn’t matter that the moon had gone behind the clouds quite some time ago; it was still there, affecting her actions, even if she couldn’t see it.
Though there was also something about Lord Richard. Something that made it quite easy and natural to confide in him. Something she couldn’t blame on the moon. Something that made Amy feel quite, quite vulnerable, and she wasn’t at all sure she liked it.
Amy broke the fragile silence by saying with forced bravado, “Now that you know all about me, it’s your turn. Why are you going to France?”
Busy admiring Amy’s courage, Richard spoke without thinking. “I’m the First Consul’s director of Egyptian antiquities.” It was a response he had made so often, to so many people, that it came out by rote.
Amy blinked. “The First Consul’s director of antiquities?”
“Yes, after we returned from Egypt, the First Consul invited me to . . .” Richard’s voice trailed off as Amy stumbled clumsily to her feet. “Is something wrong?”
“You weren’t sorry at all, were you?” she whispered.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You weren’t baiting me, you were saying what you felt, and you weren’t sorry.”
“Amy, I—” Richard reached up to take Amy’s hands, but she backed away, wiping her hands furiously on her skirt as though to exorcise his touch.
“I don’t understand it.” Her voice had an edge of tears that lashed him far more harshly than her shouting that afternoon. “You’ve been with the French all along. You never left. You’ve been with them the whole time. If you stayed with them, you can’t have thought that what they did was so terrible. Why pretend to be sympathetic when you weren’t? I’ve been such a fool!”
“You’re not a fool. Amy—”
“Don’t you dare tell me I’m not a fool! Don’t you dare presume to tell me anything, ever again!”
Stunned by her outburst, Richard sat staring as Amy whirled like a small dervish in angry circles around the deck.
“I liked you. I trusted you. Oh, goodness, I told you about my parents!”
More than a little irritated by that string of past tenses, Richard snapped, “What has that got to do with anything?”
He grabbed the railing and yanked himself to his feet.
“Nothing. Nothing!” Amy waved her arms wildly. “It has nothing to do with the fact that you are a rogue and a cad and a bounder and a traitor to your country and—”
Rogue and cad and bounder had been bad enough, but traitor to his country? Richard had harbored some vague idea of suffering her insults in patient silence, but that was really the utter end.
“Oh, am I?” Richard advanced with the stealthy prowl of a panther, his voice a low purr more threatening than any growl. “Define treachery, Miss Balcourt.”
Amy noticed the dangerous light in Lord Richard’s green eyes, but somehow the jade glare only fueled her own rising anger. Rather than backing away, she stomped forward to meet him. “Treachery,” she declared furiously, tipping her head back till her upturned nose practically brushed his chin, “is when a man willfully allies with the enemies of his country!”
Amy took a half step back, not from intimidation—never that!—but because her neck hurt. Blast the advantage of height! It was thoroughly unfair that he should be able to look down his nose at her in that ridiculously supercilious way, just because some good fairy had waved her wand over his cradle and given him an utterly undeserved collection of inches. If his physique were to mirror his character, why, he should be a nasty, shriveled, twisted gnome of a man. Not a towering golden Adonis designed to lead innocent females into indiscretions. The injustice of it all rendered Amy even angrier.
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