Molly Ryan - A Real Disaster

And that is why I don’t drink. It never turned out good for me.

“Hey, Lily.”

I turned and Turner stood in front of me.

“What do you want?”

I hadn’t heard from him since he got upset in the common area. I curled my hands into fists, digging my nails in to the palms.

 “I came to apologize.”

“Apologize? Do you really think that some apology is going to make up for what you said?”

“Lily-”

“There are no words in this world that can make up for that. I thought of you as a friend, Turner, a true friend.”

“I didn’t mean to say those things. I wasn’t thinking.”

“No shit you weren’t thinking. If you were thinking then maybe you wouldn’t have said it,” I hissed.

“What can I do to make this better?”

I put my hand to my chin and tilted my head as if I was pondering something.

“I don't know Turner. Is there something else you need?”

 “Yeah, I came here to tell you something.”

“What?”

“Nash is seeing my sister.”

I stopped short, narrowing my eyes and staring at Turner.

“Excuse me?”

“Nash, he’s seeing my sister,” Turner repeated. “She told me the other day. He called her and they’ve been talking. She came down to see him.”

Nash and Turner’s sister? Again? No, there’s no way. There’s no way that’s possible. He was lying.

“You’re a liar,” I whispered. “You would say anything and everything to break Nash and me up. You’re jealous.”

“I am jealous,” Turner admitted. “But I’m not lying. I saw them together yesterday during the day. They were at the park. Why would I lie to you?”

At the park yesterday? That wasn’t possible, I was with Nash yesterday. Well most of yesterday. There were a few hours that I wasn’t with him. But it’s not possible. He wouldn’t do that to me. If she was here Nash would tell me.

“Sorry, I don’t believe you.”

I stood up, nearly toppling the library chair over, and grabbed my stuff.

“Stay away from me, Turner. Stay the hell away from me. Got it?”

I didn’t wait for him to answer. Instead, with my arms full of books, I stomped towards the library doors.

“I’m telling you the truth, Lily,” Turner yelled after me. “Ask Nash! Ask him about my sister being here! She even told me that she was going to see him last night!”

Last night. I felt like I was punched in the gut. The red head? No, no that’s not her. Turner wasn’t a red head and I saw pictures of his sister. She had darker hair than he did. No, it wasn’t her. I was positive.

My emotions were running on high gear and all I wanted to do was throw things. Somewhere in my bag my cell phone was ringing but I didn’t bother to answer it. I knew that it was probably Nash but I didn’t want to talk to him. I wouldn’t know what to say and the sound of my voice would likely tell him something was wrong.

The last thing I wanted to do was mention my encounter with Turner. In reality, though, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind at all. Anyone who talked to me would see that and I didn’t want to answer any of the typical questions. I wanted to be left alone. Period.

Turner is a liar.

I kept repeating it.

His sister isn’t here and she definitely didn’t see Nash. Nash was with you all night. If Turner’s sister really was there last night he would have introduced you to her. He’s not ashamed of you, you know that.

Turner’s lying.

I couldn’t convince myself.

My stomach was still in knots when I went back to my dorm room and hopped into the shower. Nash would be gone for a few days with his band and it was probably a good thing. I needed to get my thoughts in order.

Nash returned from his gigs and I still hadn't made a decision whether or not to confront him about seeing Turner's sister. I didn't want him to think that I believed everything Turner told me. However, it was tearing me apart thinking about it and the only way to get rid of the feeling was to know for sure that he wasn't seeing her.

* * *

Nash and I sat together a lot quieter than two people that are dating should. I just couldn't get the thought of Turner's sister and Nash out of my mind.

“You’re a little quiet tonight,” Nash said as he rubbed his hand up and down my back. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” I lied. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just a little tired.”

Tired was an understatement. I wasn’t sleeping at all; instead I was lying up night after night. Every time I tried to sleep and close my eyes all I could picture was Nash and Turner’s sister together. I kept imagining them wrapped around each other, Nash caressing her body as she kissed his mouth. If I did manage to sleep I would wake up in a cold sweat.

“You’re not sleeping?” he asked.

 He looked concerned which made me feel worse than I already did. I kept picturing the red headed girl talking to Nash at the bar; the ‘fan’ he claimed. I was becoming paranoid. I was creating stories in my head instead of talking to Nash.

I needed to ask him, flat out, whom she was. Ask him if Turner’s sister is really here or if Turner was just trying to ruin what we had.

“Not very good. I have a lot on my mind… Can I ask you something though?”

I looked up at Nash and nearly melted at the concerned look in his eyes. His mouth was puckered in to a frown. He curled a piece of my hair around his finger slowly.

“What’s up? You can ask me anything you want.”

“The redheaded girl at the club the other night,” I said slowly. “Do you know her?”

A look passed across Nash’s face but it quickly disappeared and he smiled.

“She’s just a fan, Lily.”

“But you seemed like you knew her. Like she was more than just a fan.”

Nash shook his head, the amused grin still on his face.

“She’s a fan, only a fan,” he repeated. “She has come to my shows before I ever met you. I think that she’s been coming to the shows since the band started.”

I knew his words were supposed to comfort me but it made me feel worse.

“Can I ask you something else?” I ventured. “Of course…”

“I heard that Turner’s sister was back in town.”

Another look passed across Nash’s face but it was only a second

“Where did you hear that?”

Now it was the moment of truth. Should I tell Nash about Turner or keep my mouth shut? I didn’t want to cause a bigger fight between the two but if I didn’t tell Nash and he found out he would be mad at me.

“I saw Turner at the library the other day,” I admitted. “I didn’t plan to see him there, believe me. But I was about to leave and there he was. He told me that his sister was in town and she was looking for you. He made it seem like it was something you already knew about and weren’t telling me.”

I lowered my head and waited for Nash to flip out.

“He’s lying,” Nash said, surprisingly calm. “He’s trying to get to you. He despises the fact that you chose me and didn’t choose him. He would do anything, and I mean anything to break us up. If his sister was here I would tell you. I have nothing to hide from you.”

“Really?” I asked doubtfully.

I figured that if Turner’s sister was here and Nash knew about it he would do whatever it took to keep me from knowing about it. Especially, since I knew the background of the two of them.

Why’d I even ask?

“Of course. Why would I risk everything to keep a stupid secret? I’d rather be up front with you.”

That calmed me down enough. I thought about the ‘I love you’ Nash murmured in his sleep and wondered, for a second, that he knew that he said the words but didn’t want to admit it. He could have been scared, nervous, or something else. I love you was a big step and Nash may not have been ready to take that step.

“I’m sorry,” I told him.

It felt like all I was doing lately was apologizing.

“I’ve just been a little… Crazy. I really like you and… Well I feel like everywhere I turn there’s something or someone who is trying to get in the middle of everything. It’s… Exhausting. I didn’t think that it would be this hard.”

“It won’t be this hard forever. Do you want me to talk to Turner?”

Nash put his hands up.

“I promise that it will be only a talk. I’ll see what’s really going on with him and try to figure out how we can make it better.”

I shrugged.

Confusion swept over me. Nash and Turner were enemies, that was something I knew. After Turner’s blow up in the cafeteria, the gap widened between them. Nash didn’t care what was going on with Turner. So why was he offering to help? Why was Nash so willing to talk to him, try to reason with him?

“You don’t need to talk to him,” I told him. “There’s no point and I honestly don’t think it’s going to change anything.”

I sighed.

“Alright, now if you’re done with your line of questioning, I have a question for you.”

A question? For me? My heart dropped to my stomach. What type of question could Nash have?”

“Shoot,” I said, trying to stay calm.

Why do I always go to some horrible place? It’s a simple question. It can be any question… So why panic?

“I was wondering…” Nash said.

“Wondering what?”

“What do I have to do to convince you to come to dinner with my family tomorrow night?”

There was a knot in my stomach. Dinner? With his family?

“Why?” I blurted out and Nash laughed.

“Because you’re my girlfriend. I talk so much about you that they want to meet you.”

“Who’s going to be there?”

“My father and probably my sister. They really want to meet you and get to know you. To be honest, I think they’re starting to wonder if you’re real or if I’m making you up. They are convinced that you’re a figment of my imagination.”

“Your family,” I repeated. “You want me to sit down with your family?”

“And eat,” he added. “Eating would be a big help. But it’s not going to be this whole big thing… It’s going to be a barbeque, in the backyard. What do you think about it?”

“I think that it’s nerve wracking. I’ve never met any boy’s family. I wouldn’t know what to do or how to act. I… I don’t want to embarrass you.”

“You’re not going to embarrass me. Please? This is really important to me. My family is so curious about you.”

“Okay,” I said finally, knowing that was the only answer I really could give.

I might not have met a boyfriend’s family yet but I’ve seen the movies. The dinner with the parents was almost as important as actually going out with the person. If the family didn’t like you well then you might as well kiss the relationship goodbye. But what else could I do? If I said no, Nash would be crushed. I didn’t want to do that to him; it wasn’t fair.

“I promise you won’t regret this. And I promise that I’ll meet your family too.”

“No!” I cried. “I mean, no. No, you don’t have to meet my family. At all.”

Nash cocked his head to the side but didn’t say anything. I smiled weakly. I hadn’t told my family about Nash at all and I was trying to keep it a secret for as long as I could. It would be bad enough to admit that I had a boyfriend, there was no way I would be able to tell them that Nash was a musician. In my parent’s eyes, a musician did nothing but smoke weed and drink all day while fucking all night. Musicians didn’t have girlfriends, according to them. Instead musicians had groupies that they fucked whenever they wanted to with no conscious. They had personal whores who were around only to make the musician happy. No, telling my parents about Nash’s career path would be the spark that ignited the bomb.

“Why not?”

“My parents… Well they’re old school. And I kind of promised them that I wouldn’t have a boyfriend during school. They don’t think that I can juggle a boyfriend and schoolwork. To them, school was the most important thing; nothing else stands up to it. If they found out about you… Well they might take me out of this school and enroll me in an all-girl school.”

“They wouldn’t.” Nash said, aghast.

“They already did with my sister. She got caught going away for the weekend with a boy she was seeing. By the end of that month she was out of the school she enrolled in and in a catholic college. Trust me, when my parents want something one way, they get what they want. None of us want to cross my parents or make them angry.”