Molly Ryan - A Real Disaster

“Thanks.”

“You don’t look okay.”

I shook my head.

“I was just taking a long shower is all.”

“Good, thought something happened to you. Come on and get dressed, then the two of us can go get breakfast.”

“Sounds like a great plan,” I said and followed Sabrina back to the room.

* * *

If someone asked me what I learned the day after I had sex with Nash I wouldn’t be able to tell them. I wasn’t paying attention in any of my classes; my mind was drifting off to the gorgeous guy waiting for me to get back to my dorm. If I didn’t take notes, on autopilot none the less, I would have nothing to study from.

Finals week went by in a blur. Nash helped me study and I shuffled from class test to class test, every second wishing that I could be with Nash. Every text message he sent, sent a jolt of excitement through my body. Thankfully it was over and I could just be with Nash on my break.

As Nash I sat on the couch in my dorm’s common area, I thought about how my life had changed so quickly. I went from no friends to two really good friends in Sabrina and Elizabeth. I went from no guys wanting me to two. It was unbelievable.

“Hey Lily,” I heard someone say.

Before I could say something in response, a shadow loomed over us. I looked up and the heat in my body turned to ice as I saw Turner standing there, staring at the two of us.

“Turner, hey,” I said breathlessly. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” he said.

His words were slipped and dripped with cynicism.

“So what’s going on here? Rumor has it that you two are the new it couple...”

“It’s not-”

“Yeah we are,” Nash said, cutting me off.

“Cool, I just came to I’m cool with it.”

Turner turned to me and I could see the ice in his eyes.

“At least I know why you didn’t want to go out with me now. You know, you could have just been honest and told me. You didn’t have to lie.”

“I didn’t lie,” I said and glanced at Nash.

He had an amused expression on his face but I knew that he was listening to each and every word that came out of my mouth.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I see you as a good friend, Turner. Isn’t that good enough for you?”

“No, but it looks like it’s going to have to be. You’re not giving me much of a choice, are you?”

“I don’t think she is,” Nash said, responding for me yet again.

I didn’t mind him speaking for me as long as he didn’t become over controlling. I still wanted to do things myself.

“Turner, if you want to talk, we can go talk. But let’s not make a scene, okay? I don’t want people staring at us.”

“Yeah, otherwise get the fuck out of here! Go find another girl!” Nash shouted.

At that moment I figured Nash crossed the line. Everyone in the common area was now watching, waiting for a fight to break out. But to my surprise, and the disdain of everyone else, Turner turned away and stomped out, slamming the door behind him. There was a thick silence in the room while everyone looked from me to Nash. But finally the room slowly filled up with mindless chatter.

“Are you okay?” Nash asked.

I knew that he saw my pale face and shaking fists.

“Lily?”

“I’m fine,” I bit out.

“Just ignore him. He’s just angry because you don’t want to be with him. Plus, he hates me and that only makes it worse.”

I wasn’t sure that was the whole story...

“I’m fine,” I said again, this time softer. “Rain check?”

“Of course,” Nash said.

Clouds rolled in the sky, hovering over the college and threatening to open up. I hovered near the window, a blanket wrapped around my body, and watched as the clouds grumbled. Lightning flashed and I jumped, moving away from the window. I turned to watch Sabrina as she painted her nails. She blew on the fingers she just painted, her eyes never leaving my face.

“What’s going on?” she asked, climbing on top of my thin mattress.

I rested my head against the wall and yawned.

“Nothing, this weather just sucks.”

“Aw are you missing your little boyfriend?” she teased. “You didn’t get enough kisses or hugs before he left you?”

“Oh shut up. You’re just jealous because Nash is my boyfriend and not yours.”

Sabrina snorted.

“As if I want to deal with his baggage again.”

Again? Did she just say again? Sabrina went back to her nails but I couldn’t stop staring at her. What did she mean by again?

Did Sabrina date Nash? It seemed like she did…

“Sabrina,” I said, my voice sounding louder then I meant in the small room.

She jumped, painting her toe instead of the nail.

“What?” she said.

She glared at me as she tried to wipe the nail polish off the toe without smudging the nail.

“Do you mind not having a spastic moment? Now what are you squawking about?”

“Did you and Nash…” I bit my lip.

This was harder than I ever imagined.

“I mean… Were you and Nash…”

Sabrina through her head back and laughed.

“Are you asking me if I was Nash’s girlfriend?”

“Yeah, basically. You seem to know him really well and you said you didn’t want to deal with his baggage again. That kind of indicates…”

“I was never his girlfriend,” Sabrina said.

I almost smiled when Sabrina opened her mouth again and froze me to my spot.

“I made out with him is it.”

My heart stopped. .

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it doesn’t matter. It was at the beginning the school year.”

“But you didn’t tell me,” I repeated.

And neither did Nash.

Sabrina shrugged.

“I guess it just… Slipped my mind I guess.”

I wasn’t sure but it looked like Sabrina had a smile on her face as she finished up her toes.

“I have to go,” I muttered.

Throwing off the blanket, I grabbed a jacket and left the dorm room. I didn’t remember getting in the car or driving to Nash’s house. All I remembered was when I got to the front of the door. I banged against the wood, open palm. The rain splashed down on me, soaking my clothes and my hair.

I had to live up to Sabrina now.

“I know you’re in there, Nash,” I muttered. “Your car is in the drive way. You have to be home.”

I banged on the door again, my hand stinging with the contact.

“NASH!” I screamed. “NASH, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!”

Finally the door opened and Nash stood on the other side of the door in his boxers and for the first time I saw his muscular tattooed cover body in the light.

“What’s going on, Lily?” Nash said.

He rubbed one sleepy eye and then the other. It was only then that I realized he wasn’t at his gig.

“What happened to your gig?” I asked, momentarily thrown off the reason I went to his house.

“It got rained out,” he muttered. “What’s going on?”

“Did you sleep with Sabrina?”

“What? What are you talking about?” he asked.

“Sabrina. She said that she slept with you in the past. Is that true?” Nash’s brows furrowed and he frowned. “Nash!”

“Why did she tell you that she slept with me?” he asked, not answering the question.

“I asked you if you did. Did you sleep with her?”

“We made out,” he admitted. “Once. It was a drunken night after a party.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nash shrugged and grabbed my hand.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me something like this?”

“Because it didn’t mean anything. I barely remember it, I was so drunk. And honestly, I forgot that it happened until you just mentioned it.”

I pouted, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Seriously, Lily. It meant absolutely nothing. It’s not like we had sex. This isn’t a big fucking deal.”

I knew he had kissed other girls. I knew he had sex with other girls. However, Nash kissing Sabrina was the worst of all. I didn’t want to be getting her sloppy seconds.

“You could have told me. I felt like a fool when she told me.”

Nash pulled me close to him, getting me out of the rain.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you. But Lily… Are you really going to keep getting mad at me for my past? You know I’ve been with other girls. Is this going to continue to be a problem?”

I knew that the right answer, the only answer, was no. I wasn’t going to keep getting mad at him because of his past. But I couldn’t tell him something that I wasn’t sure of. Nash was my first real boyfriend and the only person I’ve had any experience with. Unless you count Turner. I didn’t like to think that Nash was with anyone else, or loved anyone else. I would admit it; I was jealous.

“I’m not mad at you. You have to give me some kind of leniency though. I’m all new at this dating thing.”

“I know and so am I. Now what do you say we get you out of these wet clothes?”

The gleam in his eye told me that he had more planned than just getting me warm.

All I did was smile and let him lead me into the house and down to his room.

* * *

“Come on I want to show you something,” Nash said.

I was sprawled out on his couch, in his sweats, watching a re-run of The Nanny. I cocked my head to the side, staring at him.

“But I’m comfortable Nash,” I complained.

The rain stopped overnight and the sun was peeking up through the trees. It was cold out but at least there was no more rain.

“And I’m warm. Do we have to go out?”

Nash laughed as he tugged me to my feet.

“I want to take you somewhere and show you something. Are you really going to argue with me?”

With a sigh I shook my head.

“Fine, I’ll go with you…” I said, kissing him.

* * *

I buckled in the car as he started the engine. Soon we were off, driving down the stretch of road. The road was empty and the air was cold against my cheeks. I let my arm hang out the window and smiled at the sunrise in front of us. Just me, Nash, and the sunrise; the perfect morning. Suddenly, Nash made a left, pushing me into the car door. I held on as the tires climbed over the rocky road.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” he promised. “Do you trust me?”

I was in the car with him, alone. It was the type of question that the answer didn’t actually matter. For the first time I wasn’t the littlest scared about being alone with a guy because of my past.

“Yeah, I trust you,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t like to know what’s going on.”

“You’ll see.”

Nash made another turn and drove down what looked like a deserted road before stopping and turning the car off.

“You told me that seeing the ocean and letting your toes curl in the sand was one of your biggest dreams. Right?”

“Right,” I said.

“Well, welcome to your dream.”

Nash climbed out of the car and I followed suit. He grabbed my hand and guided me through some trees before coming to an opening. The wind tickled my face, throwing my hair away from my neck. In front of me was nothing but land and ocean. The waves crashed onto land in a rolling motion as the sun rose higher. The beach was deserted, not even a seagull in sight. I slipped off my shoes, followed by my socks, and took a tentative step forward.

The sand was cold but felt like little balls underneath my feet. My feet sunk in and the sand trickled over my toes, rubbing up against each toe. I took another step forward, gasping at the new feeling. It didn’t matter that my hair was blowing in my face or that my feet were becoming numb from the cold.

“Want to go in the ocean?”

I never felt the ocean water against my feet and the thought of moving forward both exhilarated me and scared me. I nodded and reached for Nash but he took a step back.

“Aren’t you coming?” I asked and he shook his head again.

“It’s your dream...”

“But you’re part of it Nash.”

Nash was my whole dream, every single inch of it. The flitting thought grabbed my heart and squeezed.

I loved him.

I was in love with Nash.

Absolutely, one hundred percent in love with him.

I didn’t see it before because I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to make sure I was safe. I didn’t want to give my heart out.

“Come with me,” I urged. “Please?”

“But Lily-”